Deprexiety

Have you felt your life pass you by with you reduced to being nothing more than an observer? I have. I just rode along the waves, all the while searching for something that could anchor me. Painted a smile on my face like everything was okay when I felt anything but.

By then, I stopped looking at what’s in front of me. The words procrastination and lack of motivation became my catchphrase. This gave rise to frustration which turned to agitation that resulted in aggression.

Even while knowing I could do better and while thinking that I should be, the vicious cycle didn’t seem like it would end any time soon. In fact, it only got worse.

Shame and guilt made me hesitate from reaching out to people. More than that, I guess I feared that, what the voices inside my head kept saying ending up true. That I truly was worthless and that they all see me the same too.

I was sinking, I knew that but I went beyond the point of caring.

So, just like that I had become a shell of someone I used to be.

So, folks do you see the signs? Do some very familiar terms come to mind? If yes, you might have guessed right-for it is Depression. 

Here’s a video of Mathew Johnstone and his battle with depression. Watching it, I was left with a feeling that I am not alone in this battle against something that most won’t understand. It left me with hope, something that had become unfamiliar to me.

Nature of Depression (aka Affective disorder):

According to WHO, globally more than 264 million people of all ages suffer from depression. Yet another fact is that the leading cause of disability worldwide is depression.

What is depression?

From a medical standpoint, although it presents with an array of physical symptoms, depression is considered as the disorder of the mood. It causes a persistent feeling of depressed mood and growing disinterest towards activities that brought you pleasure.

Now, if you ask me, did I know of the term depression at that time? The answer is yes, but did it occur to me that I was going through that? No, I only felt powerless and trapped against the torrent of my emotions.

So, had I known that would I have done things differently? Maybe, but just like with any physical illness knowing the symptoms would be akin to you knowing yourself better, for it’s not all in your head.

What does it feel like?

All of us are unique so, not all may apply. 

• Fatigue or consistent lower energy levels – Unlike everyday fatigue, these cause lack of concentration, feelings of irritability and apathy even after a full night’s rest.
• Moods tend to be more anxious, restless, irritable, aggressive with persistent or pervasive low mood
• Decreased pain tolerance
• Feelings include feeling empty, sad, hopeless
• Back/stomach pain and aching muscles all over
• Loss of interest in usual activities, thoughts of suicide, engaging in high-risk activities
• Eye problems or decreasing vision
• Digestive problems or irregular bowel schedule
• Chronic headaches
• Cognitive abilities such as thinking/talking more slowly
• Sleep patterns – insomnia, hypersomnia

Diagnostic and statistic manual of mental disorder (DSM -5):

• Depressive symptoms are judged to be of clinical symptoms when they interfere with normal day-day activities and persist for at least 2 weeks
• The bereavement exclusion has been removed – Those undergoing the loss of a loved/significant one may now be diagnosed with depression or adjustment disorder.

Forms of Depression – 9

Psychotic Depression

Major Depression with psychotic symptoms such as:

• Auditory and visual hallucinations
• Paranoia
• Delusion

Peripartum(postpartum) Depression

Women experiencing major depression in the weeks/months after child birth.

Situational Depression (aka Stress response syndrome)

Depressed mood due to stressful events in life.

Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) – Dysthymia/Chronic major depression

• Change in your appetite
• Eating too much/too little
• Lack of energy/fatigue
• Low self-esteem
• Trouble concentrating
• Feel hopeless

For a period of 2 years or longer.

Bipolar Disorder (aka Manic Depression)

Mood episodes that range from extremes of high energy with an “up phase” and “down/low phase” – have symptoms of Major depression.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):

A period of major depression that occurs during the winter months when the days grow short and there’s less sunlight.

Major depressive disorder (MDD)/Clinical Depression

• Depressed mood
• Lack of interest in activities normally enjoyed
• Changes in weight
• Changes in sleep
• Fatigue
• Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
• Thoughts of death of death and suicide
• Difficulty concentrating

For more than two-weeks, five or more of these persists.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD)

Women with PMDD have depression and other symptoms at the start of their period.

Symptoms may include:

• Mood swings
• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Trouble concentrating
• Feelings of being overwhelmed
• Change in eating and sleeping habits
• Fatigue

Atypical Depression

Unlike typical depression, those who have this do not necessarily have persistent feeling of sadness.

A positive event can temporarily improve one’s mood.

Other than exhibiting a pattern of depressive symptoms,

• Increased appetite
• Hypersomnia
• Heavy feeling in one’s arms and legs
• Oversensitive
• To criticism

Coping with Depression: It’s not over yet

If only you can will yourself to ‘snap out of it’ in depression. Even when you know you have to get better you just lose all drive to even do the little lest of things. The very road to recovery may seem like an insurmountable wall in front of you. But then, keep telling yourself to start small and build from there. Don’t give in even if every part of you screams at you to.

Given below are some tips you could focus you small reserve of energy into:

Reach out to people and stay connected –

You may feel too exhausted to talk, ashamed of your situation or even feel guilty about the relations you’ve neglected. Do not let these thoughts control you. All of it just the depression talking. Take a step out of the comfort zone and reach out to someone. Just start talking and it’s okay to be honest and say you are not fine.

Do things that make you feel good or at least used to–

“We can do this together, I bet you feel better when you are dancing” – Better when I’m dancing by Megan Trainor’s. 

My personal favorite that never failed to lift my mood. Just listening to this make me feel good. Likewise, try any form of art, music through which you can express yourself. Do something spontaneous.

Get Moving–

Exercise, the word that automatically brings out our laziness. Just thinking about it can feel daunting but as always good things are bitter. Start by moving your body. It doesn’t have to be a rigid set of moves that makes it an exercise. Any activity that doesn’t involve you sitting/standing still and helps you stretch you arms and legs is good enough. Even dancing could do the job!

Get a daily dose of sunlight –

If you are homebody like me, getting out may feel like such a drag. So, have tasks that require you to go out. Now, by getting enough sunlight I don’t mean getting sunburnt. Just 5-10 mins daily would do. It not helps with vitamin d but also helps boost serotonin levels that regulate your mood.

Challenge negative thoughts –

Might seem like the most challenging thing to do for, the thoughts have become automatic. It’s not easy stop those voices inside your head just by telling yourself to think positive thoughts. Then how?

The trick is to identify the negative thoughts that fuel depression and replace with more balanced thinking. This is what therapists help you with in CBT (read “A penny for your thoughts” to find out more).

For those wondering what a CBT session looks like:

Treatments for depression

Do not take the medications unless prescribed by a doctor.

Medications:

• Antidepressants
• SSRIs
• MAOI
• Antianxiety
• Antipsychotic

Therapies:

Light therapy – Exposure to doses of white light can help regulate your mood and improve symptoms of depression.

Cognitive behavior therapy – A talk therapy focused on modifying negative thoughts, behaviours and emotional responses associated with psychological distress.

Psychotherapy

Electroconvulsive therapy (Shock treatment) – Sending electric current through brain to treat mental illness.

Anxiety

You feel your heart rate speed up, your throat feels parched, your mind starts running hundred miles an hour and you end up trying to do the impossible – predict the future.

Assumptions will rear it’ s ugly head and you end up right where you started. For you see, we are creatures of habit and we don’t ever want to step out of our comfortable bubble. You think of doing something and it ends as just that, a thought. Sounds familiar?

In medical terms, anxiety could be described as a mental health disorder characterized by feelings of worry, anxiety or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one’s daily activities. 

Now, it’s normal to feel anxious but it becomes a problem when you start displaying below symptoms on extreme levels and experience them for longer periods.

What does it feel like?

• restlessness, and a feeling of being “on-edge”
• uncontrollable feelings of worry
• increased irritability
• concentration difficulties
• sleep difficulties, such as problems in falling or staying asleep

Forms of Anxiety Disorders:

Generalized anxiety disorder:

This is a chronic disorder involving excessive, long-lasting anxiety and worries about nonspecific life events, objects, and situations.

Panic disorder:

• Brief or sudden attacks of intense terror and apprehension characterize panic disorder.
• Attacks can lead to shaking, confusion, dizziness, nausea, and breathing difficulties.
• They may tend to occur and escalate rapidly, peaking after 10 minutes or may last for hours together.

Specific phobia:

• This is an irrational fear and avoidance of a particular object or situation.
• A person with a phobia might acknowledge a fear as illogical or extreme but remain unable to control feelings anxiety around the trigger.

Agoraphobia:

• This is a fear and avoidance of places, events, or situations from which it may be difficult to escape or in which help would not be available if a person becomes trapped.
• Symptoms may include: fear of leaving home or using elevators and public transport.

Selective mutism:

This is a form of anxiety that some children experience, in which they are not able to speak in certain places or contexts, such as school, even though they may have excellent verbal communication skills around familiar people.

Social anxiety disorder, or social phobia:

• This is a fear of negative judgment from others in social situations or of public embarrassment.
• Social anxiety disorder includes a range of feelings, such as stage fright, a fear of intimacy, and anxiety around humiliation and rejection.
• This disorder can cause people to avoid public situations and human contact to the point that everyday living is rendered extremely difficult.

Separation anxiety disorder:

High levels of anxiety after separation from a person or place that provides feelings of security or safety characterize separation anxiety disorder. Separation might sometimes result in panic symptoms.

Treatments for Anxiety:

Do not take the medications unless prescribed by a doctor.

Self-care

• Avoid alcohol
• Reduce caffeine intake
• Physical exercise
• Quit smoking
• Healthy diet
• Vocalize your frustration/pursue an enjoyable activity

Therapies

• CBT
• Meditation

Medications

• SSRIs
• Anxiolytic
• Antidepressant
• Sedative
• Nerve pain Medication

Coping with Anxiety: It’s not impossible

The fear of the unknown and the negative consequence are the first place our mind jumps to. Even knowing it is irrational fear doesn’t do much. It’s so hard to shake off the vice-like grip the growing fear have on us.

So, what do you do?

First Breathe. Just keep breathing. Take slow measured breaths.

Follow this:  

Inhale 1 2 3 4

Hold

Exhale 1 2 3 4

Then put those thoughts on a witness stand – Ask yourself

• Is this something you can control?
• Can you do anything about it now to change the outcome?
• What’s the worst that can happen? If it did happen, would it be the end of you?

In case of a panic attack, here are some tips:

• Practice deep breathing
• Recognize you are having a panic attack – It’s gonna be okay, you are not dying.
• Close your eyes
• Practice mindfulness – concentrate on the physical sensation that you feel that will ground you the reality.
• Find an object to focus
• Picture your happy place.

Usage of aromatherapy can sooth your anxiety

Go for a short walk or do yoga

Write down your thoughts

Identify your triggers

Adopt Cognitive behavior therapy where you challenge your negative automatic thoughts that are otherwise known as cognitive distortions.

Taking certain supplements can help reduce anxiety. These include:

• lemon balm
• omega-3 fatty acids
• ashwagandha
• green tea
• valerian root
• kava kava
• dark chocolate (in moderation)

Conclusion

There may come a point when you don’t feel like existing anymore, at that time you might ask yourself ‘what’s the point?’. But then you just got to remember that dying isn’t the only way out of feeling/thinking/behaving the way you do. You should know by now that you are not alone in this battle!:)