Boxes and boxes!!
Plates and plates!!
Bottles and bottles of pleasure started becoming my best friend, no compromises nor giving up. Food was the only source which kept me alive during my depression and sadness.
Whatever addiction is, an addiction to food has defined my entire life. Memories are rarely about people and places. They’re about food. The people who introduced me to the real food. Right from spare parts to the blood of the goat, this might sound disturbing but the story of my life started from here.
The universe was obsessed with kfcs and McDonald’s while I was obsessed blood fry with chillies and Kodal curry(intestine of the goat). The love of my closed ones and the taste of the food were attached till the love backstabbed and left me in the pool of my tears but the food never did.
I started eating more and more without any reason. The only reinforcement I had was food. A 16year old girl who was of a proper weight had increased 15kgs in 2 years and it’s been 5 years now; I have been fluctuating back and forth.
It really was a big deal and now I have become used to what I have gone through. Food is what all I see, feel and taste. I have my own caption now “Biriyani is my choice of drug” and sometimes it’s “Poetry on my plate”.
Sometimes food and emotions go hand in hand, I see a particular food and I start remembering the person and what all events had taken place. It is like a series of memories scrolling down infront me just like how a dead person’s brain works.
Regrets the actions, not been had the ability or the supervision to tell what I should have done to save the situations in a better way or the past would not have brought me here telling you all this part of my story.
I no more fit into my T-shirts, jeans or any of my go to clothes. And the quarantine was the time where I tried reducing but gave up. I have become self aware to an extent where wearing tight clothes have become a shameful sight. I look like a trash filled with a week’s garbage.
But I am a person who loves myself and would want to portray in a better and non judgmental way. I just feel all those hippy and being in trend phases have been closed and it is time to have a better view of the self and the surrounding.
I have started exploring more of other tastes so that I can fit better and continue eating more. But soon I shall be detoxing right after my exams so that I know nothing is impossible and everything will be ok soon.
To conclude this is not to portray that gaining weight is negative but for my better self and to fit in my old clothes.