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Psychologically abusive relationships

Many a times in our lives, we may have found ourselves or some of the people we are acquainted with, I situations of helplessness in a relationship or any sort of bond that they may share with somebody. They may feel controlled, misunderstood, shamed, embarrassed, blamed or otherwise manipulated in the name of emotions. Any relationship that consists of mental torture, abusive language, bullying behavioural patterns from one end that may bring down the other’s self-esteem and affect their mental health negatively psychologically abusive. This kind of behaviour occurs most often than not in romantic relationships and marriages, but it can very easily find its way into other platonic bons or even families for that matter. Emotional or psychological abuse is extremely tedious to recognise. It can be very subtle or very obvious. Either way, it involves a lot of gaslighting from one side which chips off the other person’s self-esteem and causes them to question their perceptions and reality. The ultimate agenda of this kind of abuse is to gain control over the victim by silencing, undermining and discrediting them. The victim may feel suffocated or trapped, but they are also conflicted. They may wish to leave but feel scared to actually do it. And the cycle continues.

RECOGNISING THE ABUSE.

When examining a relationship, particularly you own, always remember that it may be very hard to detect the psychological abuse you may be subjected to because it is very subtle, mostly, and maybe followed up with roses. Stop and think about it with a clear mind. Analyse-it and try to reach a conclusion. Think about how conversations make you feel. Mentioned below are a few signs that indicate the toxic, psychologically abusive traits that make it easier to detect. Keep in mind that even if your partner does only some of these things, you may still be in an emotionally abusive relationship. Stop convincing yourself that “its not so bad” and minimize their behaviour.“If you feel wounded, frustrated, confused, misunderstood, depressed, anxious, or worthless any time you interact, chances are high that your relationship is emotionally abusive.

A better understanding of signs:

Unrealistic expectations-

Emotionally abusive people have very unrealistic expectations from people. Examples-

Making unreasonable demands.
Make you put everything aside to meet their needs.
Not giving you space
Always being dissatisfied with everything you do for them.
Criticizing your efforts.
Not allowing you to have an independent opinion.
Invalidation-

Emotionally abusive people will ALWAYS invalidate you. Examples-

Undermining your perceptions.
Not respecting your feelings and defining how you should feel.
Making you explain your feelings over and over again until you feel petty.
Making you feel like you’re “crazy” or “oversensitive”.
Not acknowledging your opinions and ideas.
Not paying attention to your needs or wants.
Making you feel like your perceptions cannot be trusted and making you feel like you make mountains out of molehills.
Making you feel like you are being selfish every time you assert your needs or wants.
Cause chaos

Emotionally abusive people will turn your life into an unwanted daily soap. Examples-

Unnecessary arguments.
Confusing and contradictory statements.
Drastic mood swings being projected onto you.
Constant nitpicking.
Erratic behaviour.
Emotional blackmail-

Emotionally abusive people use emotional blackmail. Examples-

Manipulation and controlling by guilt-tripping you.
Humiliation in public or private.
Exploiting the things they know about you, your fears, values, etc.
Exaggerating and pointing out your flaws to avoid any accountability.
Lying.
Punishing you by withholding affection or giving the silent treatment.
Superiority and entitlement-

Emotionally abusive people act superior and have a sense of entitlement. Examples-

Making you feel inferior.
Blaming their mistakes on you.
Doubting what you say and proving you wrong
Making you feel illogical.
Talking down to you.
Using cunning sarcasm.
Acting like they know it all.
Controlling and isolating-

Emotionally abusive people control and isolate you. Examples-

Controlling who you meet or spend time with.
Monitoring your devices like your phone, laptop, etc.
Accusing you of cheating.
Wanting to track you and know your location.
Treating you like possession or your property.
Criticizing or making fun of you acquaintances.
Using jealousy and envy to keep you away from your friends or family.
Coercion.
Controlling you monetarily.

Effects of psychological abuse.

Whilst such psychological abuse is severely taking place, it can cause a victim to lose their entire sense of self, sometimes without a single mark or bruise. The wounds of such trauma are visible to others. The self-doubt, the feeling of worthlessness, the hate we give ourselves. research clearly states that psychological abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse because of the way it breaks the person and shatters every fibre of their being.

After a certain amount of time, the accusations and verbal abuse, all the name calling, screaming and banging doors, the gaslighting and criticism, it can destroy someone’s self worth to such an extent where they cannot view themselves in a realistic way at all. The victim may start giving in to the abuser as a consequence and become their own internal critic. Once this happens, the victim is so trapped that they feel they can never be good enough for anybody else.

Emotional abuse can ruin friendships too because people become sceptical and start doubting if people truly like them or if it’s all a facade. They become doubtful and hateful and cause tons of issues for themselves.

Victims pull back from friendships. They begin to isolate themselves and are convinced that nobody is fond of them. What’s more is that such abuse can cause a number of health problems. This includes everything, from depression and anxiety to stomach ulcers, eating disorders, insomnia and heart palpitations.

Short term effects:

A person may be in denial initially. It can be very shocking to find yourself in a situation as such and it is very natural to hope that you are wrong.

The feelings, in a sort of chronological order, are-

confusion
fear
hopelessness
shame

The emotional trauma from all this can result in behavioural and physical changes and difficulties. These may be-

difficulty concentrating
moodiness
muscle tension
nightmares
racing heartbeat
various aches and pains Long term effects:

Studies prove that emotional abuse can be just as traumatic as physical abuse and can cause many long term problems, both psychologically and physically.

You may develop-

anxiety
chronic pain
guilt
insomnia
social withdrawal or loneliness
depression

Some researchers have also concluded that emotional or psychological abuse can cause the development of issues such as chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia- Widespread muscle pain and tenderness accompanied by fatigue, altered sleep, mood and memory.

Does it affect children differently?

Just like adults, psychological abuse on children can go unrecognised as well.

If a child is exposed to emotional abuse, they may develop:

social withdrawal
regression
sleep disorders

If left unresolved, these conditions can find their way into adulthood and leave you vulnerable to more mistreatment.

Most children who are subjected to such abuse don’t grow up to become abusers but some research states that they are more likely to engage in toxic behaviours than adults who were not abused during their childhood.

Adults who were abused or neglected as children may also develop chronic health problems, including:

eating disorders
headaches
heart disease
mental health issues
obesity
substance use disorders If a child reveals abuse:

An emotionally abused child might not realise that what’s happening is wrong and they might tend to blame themselves for it. If a child ever opens up to you about such abuse, you must:

listen to what they’re saying carefully.
let them know that they did the right thing by telling you.
Assure them that they aren’t at fault.
Let them know that you take them seriously.
don’t confront the alleged abuser.
Explain your next steps.
report what the child has told you as soon as possible.

Does emotional/psychological abuse lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?

Emotional abuse doesn’t necessarily always lead to PTSD, but it can. PTSD can develop in an individual after any frightening/shocking event. According to healthline.com, “Your doctor may make a PTSD diagnosis if you experience high levels of stress or fear over a long period of time. These feelings are usually so severe that they interfere with your daily functioning.”

Other symptoms of PTSD include:

angry outbursts
being easily startled
negative thoughts
insomnia
nightmares
reliving the trauma (flashbacks) and experiencing physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat

PTSD in children might also cause:

bed-wetting
clinginess
regression
You may be more likely to develop PTSD if you have:
been through traumatic events before, especially in childhood
a history of mental illness or substance use
no support system

PTSD is often treated with therapy and antidepressants.

These reports and information are from trusted professionals from healthline.com.

Tips for dealing with emotional abuse:

The very first step in dealing with a relationship that is emotionally abusive is for the victim to recognise the abuse. If you are able to identify psychologically abusive aspects in any relationship, it is very important to acknowledge that.

By being honest with yourself about what you are going through, you can begin to take control of your life once again.

Strategies to do so:

Make yourself a priority-

Make your mental and physical health a priority. Stop worrying about pleasing your abuser. Look after your needs. Do something that makes you happy. Eat well and stay hydrated. Self care is everything.

Establish boundaries-

Let your abuser know that the name calling, rudeness, insults have got to stop. Then tell them the consequences if they continue to mistreat you. Set your boundaries and be vocal about them.

Don’t blame yourself-

In such relations, people often blame themselves and feel like something is wrong with them. You are not the problem, it’s the abuser.

You cannot fix them-

No matter how much you try, you will never be able to alter an emotionally abusive person by doing things differently or by being a different person. You cannot control their actions and you cannot be blamed for their choices. The only thing you can fix is your response.

Avoid engagement-

Do not engage with an emotionally abusive person and whenever they start to pick a fight, insult, demand, or do anything at all to get under your skin, do not comfort them, do not apologise, do not please their ego. Instead, leave.

Simply walk away from such situations if you can. Engaging with abusers only sets you up for more abuse, more headaches and heartaches, more tears and sadness.

Build a support network

Although it is tough to open up about what you are going through, talking about it can help. It could be anyone, a friend, family, therapist, etc. Just time some time away from the abuser and spend it with the people who love and support you. This little network of people will make you feel less lonely and isolated. They can also help knock some sense and perspective into your life.
Work on a plan to leave their life-

If your abuser has no intention of working of themselves or changing their poor choices, you need to leave. It will only harm you to be exposed to such an environment.

Depending on your situation, you can take steps to leave them. Each scenario is different, so think it through. Talk it out with a friend or anybody else whom you trust. Emotional abuse sometimes escalates when a person confronts the abuser and tries to leave. Make sure you have a safety plan in place.

Healing from something so toxic and pulling yourself out of a dark place can be scary and extremely difficult. It can take a major toll on people and cause many complications in one’s life. It can leave scars, cause emotional trauma that is insanely tough to get over and give bitch to a hundred trust issues.

Speaking from experience, it is always advisable to seek help and go to therapy or counselling. To reach out as much as possible and make sure to have no contact with the person who subjected you to the trauma.

If you are dealing with something like this, or if a loved one or somebody you know is dealing with this, here are a few places you can reach out to: