“She is a beautiful piece of broken pottery, put back together by her own hands. And a critical world judges her cracks while missing the beauty of how she made herself whole again.” – J.M. Storm

Personal Relationships and Mental Health

It’s now more than ever that we’ve been finally talking about mental health, taking it seriously, acknowledging it and taking care of ourselves. The pandemic, Covid-19 has taught us the importance of life, and mental stability. Recent researches have shown that there has been a rapid rise in the cases related to mental health and the number of people wanting to see a therapist or a counsellor have also increased incredibly during the lockdown. After years of hard work, mental health is not considered a taboo, rather a normal self-care issue.

You’re sitting in a room with people, having fun and suddenly something strikes you in the middle of the conversation and you zone out, you fall into trap of your own misery while everyone wonders what’s wrong with you. It’s 3 am and you’re thinking about why you cannot sleep. You feel drained without actually doing anything. You look into the mirror, wondering why your skin looks pale and why your eyes seem to be popping out, oh, it’s because you haven’t eaten properly since a long time and not drank water since you don’t remember when. You get back on your bed snuggle with your favourite stuffie and cry. It’s been the same routine for you. You could really use a hug or warm gestures from someone who cares about you but it seems like you’ve lost them during the journey, you feel lost and weary. It feels impossible to pull some positivity in yourself, laugh or eat well. It feels to be so scary at a place that you’re in right now, where everything is dim and dark and light never seems to cross your path.

The relationships you had are left behind, only the ones who gave you hand to save you from drowning are left. You are so broken that making new relationships feels almost like a burden, a hell loop you’re terrified of.

Does your mental health have to do anything with your incapability to develop personal relationships? Does it have to do anything with maintaining the relationships you already have? The answer to these questions is Yes! Your mental health has everything to do with your relationships, lacking in maintaining them and developing new ones. The reasons can be plenty.

 

---

OPENING UP SEEMS TO BE THE HARDEST TASK

Everyone always tells you to talk and express yourself not realizing that opening up about your situation is unfeasible. Even when you try, you suffocate and choke on your words. It’s as if you’re screaming from within but your voice is not heard. This brings complications in relationships because you don’t know how to express how you feel to the other person. Sometimes things become so toxic that you have to end a relationship, leaving a scar on you and being crowned as “the jilted lover” because you couldn’t express, so they couldn’t understand.

Overthinking becomes your quarterly medicines in a day and you start over-analyzing scenarios in your head without actually saying them to the person.

 

---

BUILDING WALLS AROUND SELF

You have been broken and misunderstood so often that you’ve built these walls around yourself. The safety guard is what you call them and they prevent your soul from further damage. You become afraid to keep your walls down or to let anyone through them, because you’re afraid to be vulnerable, to be at the same place where you got hurt.

Sometimes the walls we surround ourselves with, become so thick that it becomes nearly impossible to penetrate through them. Under our guard, were the same innocent sunflower that needs sunshine, but the clouds of sorrow never seem to disappear.

The last time when you let your guard down, you were left in agony. So now whenever you think of letting your guard down again, your fragile heart gets scared of the pain again and makes the walls thicker. Good or bad, your mind doesn’t consider letting anyone inside your vulnerability.

 

---

UNDERSTANDING BECOMES DIFFICULT

With bad mental health, you yourself are trying to figure out yourself, let alone somebody else. You are trying to understand your own emotions, feelings and thoughts, you are so into finding the reasons behind your discomfort that you nearly forget about anybody else. You become a bit selfish, and maybe that is what the situation demands.

I don’t think you’re in a state to understand the other person, yet be kind towards them. It’s somehow the partner’s duty to hold your hand and walk you through this path of change but maybe they’re not strong enough to make through it.

Studies show that around 48% of relationships fall apart because the partners aren’t willing to sacrifice and adjust to each other. And true to the fact, so many of us aren’t even ready to make any kind of sacrifice or adjustment.

 

---

TRUST ISSUES

Your back has been stabbed so many times by the hugs of people you loved and you’ve been poisoned by the venom of so many snakes you thought cared about you that trusting feels like a risky gamble, and honestly you aren’t ready for it. When you are bound to face so many betrayals, the walls that you’ve built are kind of obvious to be made.

It may not be the partner’s fault, but maybe the wounds haven’t healed yet or maybe the cuts are deeper than they seem, so trusting again might feel like sprinkling red chilly powder on the wounds!

Anxiety crawls in and makes trusting someone even harder because you might have not let go of the past. You become pessimistic towards personal relationships and escape, seems a valid solution to you.

 

---

 

FEAR OF BEING JUDGED

So many of us are so insecure about how we look, walk, talk or sit and so afraid to show our true nature to the world because we have a fear of being judged. There are so many case studies where couples pretend to be somebody for their partner’s validation and never truly show their true self because they’re afraid of losing them.

Fear has a habit of playing with our insecurities and sometimes to the extent where people almost have multiple personalities to please others.

Even when you have the courage to show your actual self, the world perhaps may not be ready to see that which makes it difficult for somebody who’s damaged to show their true nature which often complicates relationships because maybe people become tired and exhausted of being someone else and not themselves.

 

---

 

COMMUNICATION DETERIORATES

Communication becomes exclusive when comprehension becomes loose.

We often say communication is the key for a healthy relationship but we forget that it cannot do anything without comprehension. If even after communicating the person is unable to comprehend, then there’s no use of communication at all. Already if you’re facing issues related to your mental health, the least you ask is support from someone you love ad if they cannot offer you that, there’s really nothing left in your hollow relationship.

Trying to communicate your thought, emotions and feelings may be very difficult, but once you gather the courage to do so, you might see doing it wonders when your partner understands your state. After all, It’s only acceptance human is hungry for.

 

---

SELF PITY + SELF CRITICISM = LOW SELF ESTEEM

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

-Perks of Being a Wallflower.

We are our greatest enemy but we are also our greatest strength if only we know how to channelize our energy in the right direction.

Come on! The world is enough to be your critic why do you want to add upon your name to that list when you could be your number 1. Fan? Self-pity is the worst kind of perception and the greatest weakness a human could possess.

We often think so low of ourselves that we fail to make the right decisions for us. We choose the toxicity, the hurt and the pain because we think we deserve it. We choose a low standard to make ourselves stand on that low pedestal while feeling extremely tiny. Low self-esteem results when aren’t fully ready to embrace our true self and accept our flaws and strengths as they are. We can definitely work upon them, but in the end our core, our roots will always be the same.

 

---

CONCLUSION

A person with good mental health may not face any such issues because they have a control on their emotions, feelings and thoughts and they may be able to analyze the situations they are in positively and accurately.

Having issues or dealing with rough mental phases does not make you less loveable, for the matter of fact, it makes you more considerate and soft towards others’ feelings. I know it’s tough sailing in the boat you’re in, but when the storm stops and the sky becomes clear, you’ll hear the chirping of seagulls and the melody of the waves. Your skin will soak all the love of nature and the bright sunshine.

None of us is perfect, but we try to become better and that’s what counts. It’s the efforts that matter, not the result. Never ever lose faith in yourself even in the darkest hour because if you cannot drag yourself out from the pit of sorrow, no help would matter.

Be gentle on yourself. Be humble with your fall downs but we brave enough to give a kick-ass comeback to the world. Remember, the world awaits your presence.