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WHAT IS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?

Let me tell you, if your partner makes you cry every night – your relationship is toxic. If in a relationship, the bad, ugly fights and the screaming and shouting outnumbers the good days, it is definitely toxic. Every relationship has it’s bad days and rough patches, but if you find yourself doubting their intentions constantly and if they play continuous mind games with you- you are in a toxic relationship.

 

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM

She, her feet, and banged the door. As the hinges rattled, little transparent pearls escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She had a fight with him again. Fed up, frustrated, and extremely angry – she said to herself, “Enough is enough.” She got up and started typing a long paragraph to him about how she couldn’t take it anymore, how the pain had settled too deep within her and how it was piercing every ounce of happiness in her.

She was halfway through it when her phone buzzed. It was him – apologizing for mistreating her. Victimising himself, manipulating her into believing that she is the problem. She quickly cleared everything she had typed and apologized for being a burden on him, in fact, she thanked him for “tolerating” and “putting up” with her. She wiped her tears and went to bed. A fresh stream of new conflicts arose in her mind as she came up with new labels to undermine herself. The pain eventually put her to sleep.

“How strange is this?!” – this is probably what you must be thinking to yourself after reading the paragraph above but let me tell you,

THIS IS WHAT A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE.

• It is pain.
• Mental exhaustion.
• It is plain torture.

A lot of people, especially the youth, have been constantly exposed to toxic relationships and the so-called “hook up culture” that has completely changed our perspective on love. We have started idolizing Alia Bhatt singing the hookup song instead of Raj fighting to be with Simran. We have begun to fall in love with the idea of a person, rather than the person themself.

So, WHAT IS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?

Let me tell you if your partner makes you cry every night – your relationship is toxic. If in a relationship, the bad, ugly fights and the screaming and shouting outnumber the good days, it is definitely toxic. Every relationship has its bad days and rough patches, but if you find yourself doubting their intentions constantly and if they play continuous mind games with you- you are in a toxic relationship.

WHAT MAKES A RELATIONSHIP TOXIC?

1. CONSTANT FIGHTS – Every couple fights, but it’s only after a fight that you grow closer to your significant other. At least, that is how it’s supposed to be. Fighting every day can put us in a perpetually bad mood and this can affect our daily activities.

2. SELF DOUBT – If you find yourself in a state of constant self-doubt or on a streak of low morale caused by your relationship. It is extremely toxic.

3. MANIPULATION AND MIND GAMES – It is very easy for us to identify when someone is being genuine and when they are trying to trick us into believing something that is convenient for them. This often happens in toxic relationships and it causes huge psychological issues such as extreme stress or anxiety.

4. JEALOUSY AND INSECURITY – If your partner or you are so jealous and insecure that you cannot seem to trust yourself or the other person around other people, your relationship is going down the path of toxicity. Saying things like “Don’t talk to him/her” or having to explain that “He/she is just a friend” shouldn’t be your priority in a relationship.

5. BEING SCARED – If you are threatened, in any way, by your partner – then you are with the wrong person and your relationship with them is extremely toxic. Fear and threats have no place in a relationship. It is supposed to be comprised of love, support, and compassion.

We use the word “toxic” so often. But what truly makes a relationship toxic? What are the factors that ruin the feelings of love and replace them with negativity?

WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?

Let’s find out.

You feel bad all the time.

“Why can’t we be like them, just happy and fun. Why can’t we go back to what we used to be? I miss the old you, I miss the old us.”

In a toxic relationship, you feel a constant void. And eventually, it consumes you. It gets the better of you and it leaves you in shambles. A toxic relationship is unhealthy to be in. LEAVE, before it leaves you with nothing.

Your needs and feelings are undermined.

“You’re overreacting”.

No, you are not! And don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Your feels matter and you matter so don’t let anybody ever undervalue your emotions and feelings. You don’t need to settle for anything less than what you need and deserve.

Unrequited effort.

If you are the only one putting effort into a relationship, it is toxic. Your partner needs to understand that you cannot be the only one who makes an effort and they need to reciprocate. You can’t just keep on giving, you need to receive too. And no, you are not selfish for thinking so.

“No” never means “no”.

“But I thought…”

NO!

Never, ever tolerate these excuses and never do anything that you are uncomfortable with. A non-toxic partner will respect your boundaries and understand your reasons. Don’t simply exclude the word “no” from your vocabulary in the name of love. Respect and honor your own boundaries.

Verbal or physical abuse.

Okay, seriously, if either of these things is a part of the relationship, IT IS TOXIC. And what you need to do, is leave. Use your “no” and cut them off right then and there.

“But what do I do? I love him, I can’t find a way. My mind isn’t clear and I cannot think straight ”

What must one do when they find themselves in an emotionally draining, toxic relationship?

The answer is simple. In fact, it is so simple that it’s just one word – LEAVE.

Yes, that’s right. Walk on them. Dump them. Start fresh, focus on yourself, eat well, sleep well, look good, and NEVER LOOK BACK.

You will definitely find the Chandler to your Monica, you do not need to settle for some Kabir Singh beta version. (Yes, Kabir Singh and Preeti were in a toxic relationship too.)

You will find love, but until then – Wait.

Be patient. Work on yourself and be the best possible person of yourself. Never doubt your worth and always put yourself first – you will see yourself bloom. We need to understand how important it is to be in healthy, wholesome relationships and how toxic relationships are a huge NO. Stop glorifying Ross and Rachel – they were never on the same page.

Your partner is the only family that you get to choose, make sure that you choose someone you love and someone who loves you. Focus on bringing out the best in each other, grow and glow. Build together and win together.

Good luck!!