Major and life-ruining effects of parents fighting on children

 

A small tale

Let’s start it with a small tale. Not a fancy one but a must-read.

When all the children are happy to go home from school, some children are sad on the other side. One of those unhappy children there is kid; one who thinks that school time should not be over yet. A friend standing away comes closer and asks him, why don’t you be happy going home? He looks into his friend’s eyes and says, “The house is for peace, so why do I fear there?”

Why parents fight the same as hell for kids?

Have you ever noticed an irregular and depressive behavior of your kid? Do they ever cry on witnessing your ugly arguments? If Yes.. then it’s a sign of something strange, something we call depression.

Warning! You are throwing your kids into severe depression. But, you are not aware of it. Did you know, parents are the role model for the kids. Kids observe everything their parents do.

Even if it’s just a small argument, it can leave permanent scars on your kid’s mental state.

If we start talking about why couples get involved in arguments. Then it will mess up the motive of this article. That is dedicated to the bad effects on children whose parents fight. So you may check the dedicated article here.

We can’t change the fact that nothing is beneficial in a fight. Eventually, we’ll end up hurting each other. And as an adult, you can feel that traumatized experience after arguing, then think about what nasty experience your kid will suffer from. Negativity kills emotions, dreams, and happiness. And such parents’ fight fills the negativity.

We also believe that it’s common to have argued. Sometimes we humans get screwed over small things and parents are also humans. But when such things are frequent and there is no end or solution. And when children become witnesses to this warm situation, they start losing their mental balance. “this is where the real problem begins”.

Now let’s go a bit deeper where we will share some important and must-see examples. So, you may know what mental trauma small to big fights can bring to your kid’s life.

We are putting lights on some important topics below.

Negativity Everywhere:

Sounds nostalgic? But sadly it’s true. We are giving them a trauma full of negativity. Where they only see the bad side of everything. Even a small child can suffer from this negativity. You wouldn’t even know and negative thinking will push your kid into the deep hole of anxiety.

Things to remember

“Many studies show parents’ fights affect their children’s mental health.”

If their negativity does not go away, then the situation will not be favorable for you as being a parent. And when the situation is not in your hands, you will be unable to do anything even if it’s for the betterment of your kid.

 

Check out this video where kids are explaining their mental stress levels

Young Boys Describe How Their Parents’ Fighting Is Affecting Them

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Diana Divecha, Ph.D. (An assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center and Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence) says

My experience led me to approach marriage and parenthood with more than a little caution. 

Stating further Diana Divecha wrote that she also felt insecure whenever her parents quarreled with each other.

Too Much Aggression

The kids learn to do as they see. Their point of view changes, to solve anything. When they grow up witnessing their parents arguing and fighting, they tend to be more aggressive. This anger is fatal to children in every aspect. They have trouble keeping a relationship when they grow up. This leads to marriage or relationship failure. This condition has a profound effect on their mindset. They make wrong decisions because of anger. As their intelligence fails to make the right choice.

An intelligent personality once told :

Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.

According to the recent study conducted on a group of 150 kids. It was found that 70 percent of the children have been furious with anger many times due to the fight of their parents. Fear was developing in the remaining 30 percent of the children. This is an alarming situation as the loss of children’s happiness is certain in both these circumstances.

As per the framework of Social Learning Theory (A book by A Bandura, RH Walters). We have an understanding of “Why kids structure their problem-solving pattern as same as their parents”

Due to the anger or misbehave of the child, the parents slowly start to get angry at him instead of reducing his problem. It makes the situation even worse. Because this is now where more negativity starts exchanging in parents and child relationships.

Insecurities

This may sound hypothetical but it is as true as we humans on this planet. Most kids feel insecure for various reasons. But parents’ conflict can boost the fire of insecurity to another level. They start to think that they are weaker than the rest of their peers. And can’t compete with them. They are always afraid that no one should make fun of them. Domestic violence in front of a child can trump a child’s mental balance.

The child is most fond of parents. When the parents’ quarrel, they feel helpless. Their mental stress begins to increase. They feel desolate and because of this, they keep themselves isolated.

Emotional Imbalance

Parental conflict causes more damage, and it’s beyond the parent’s imagination. The child starts to get upset, the mental stress gets even worse from the time they see parents’ quarrel. Home violence makes the children hesitate to express their feelings. Because of which they start living scared. If they are narrating their stress level by showing this sign, then the situation is alarming.

Dr. Linda Sapadin (Ph.D.), a psychologist once asked a 10-year-old todd. How do you feel when your parents fight? after a moment of silence, he stated that “I don’t like to talk about it, It just bothers me.” further he said while keeping his eyes to the floor, “I just wish my parents would stop fighting. I hate it and I’m afraid they’re going to get divorced.”

Now imagine yourself, when a child of only 10 years can be so negative and unhappy. So how deep his mental imbalance will be. We do not know, we are unaware but such incidents are happening with children.

John Gottman, Ph.D

“Do not ever fight in front of kids.”

Bedtime and Sleeping Issues

After the conflict, have you noticed that your child feels difficult to fall asleep? Yes, because it is bound to happen. After the troublesome situation that arises after your creepy arguments.

Multiple research proves that “mental stress can harshly affect sleep patterns in children as well as adults. It has also been found in many types of research, that children start to feel stressed even in their sleep because of the parents’ arguing.

Slowly, this change in sleep pattern can take place over time and starts to deteriorate over time. Its effect can last the entire life.

Self-harm and Suicidal Behaviour

This effect also comes as a bonus in the lives of your children. Kids become vulnerable when they see you having a physical conflict. In such situations, many times they start blaming themselves. They consider themselves the sole reason for the apocalypse. Due to this, children often do not even try to refrain from harmful acts.

Sometimes, they try to consume poisonous things often used at home. Their purpose is not to end their life. But by doing this they want to grab the attention of their parents. Kids take this step sometimes to find a solution by making their parents emotional

Your kids feel that if they hurt themselves, his parents’ quarrel will end. Some children who take things from too much heart, the situation is even more frightening for them. Even try to end their life.

An article published on Harvard Health Publishing by Claire McCarthy MD. she stated that “parents don’t always realize that teen is suicidal”.

She further added that “sometimes even a kid doesn’t realize, that something is wrong or how badly they are suffering”.

Some signs to notice

• Have a closer look at their grades fluctuation
• Their harsh reaction and angry behavior
• Frequent headaches, stomachaches
• Being fatigue
• Social distancing
• Behaving abnormal

Lack of Confidence

Yes maybe, it doesn’t sound relatable. But it is also an aspect to consider. Many studies have been conducted. It is usually found that children who are troubled by parents fight, face a lack of confidence at some point in time. It might be very hard to notice the situation for you. Because the kids do share such things only in rare circumstances. And that’s because they don’t feel connected to their parents.

The frequent dispute of parents in front of children plays an important role in increasing this mental stress. Lacking confidence makes things worse. It suppresses not only their mood but also blocks the positive thinking that leads them to failure.

Stressful Relationships

The drawbacks of a parental fight in front of children not done yet. When the parents fight in front of the children, they give the children a blueprint for the future. But a blueprint that will remove them from the quality of keeping the relationship going. To keep any relationship healthy, it is necessary to make calm decisions. But as the kids have seen the parents doing in childhood, they will do the same in their relationship. It simply indicates that they will choose arguing and domination over the peaceful discussion.

Amy Morin, LCSW, (psychotherapist), and the author of the bestselling book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” wrote an article where she stated that:

Being in the shadow of the fight of parents in childhood. They become more vulnerable to face stressful situations. It makes them harsh and an antisocial personality. Who treat others with aggression.

Use of Harmful Substances

A lot of research has been done, and most of those figures were clearly showing that the house clash throws the children into the pool of harmful substances. Some things that we do not want to tell you openly, but you can guess yourself.

More important things to read

1. The parental fight is fatal to children in every aspect
2. It has more dangerous consequences than you think
3. These conflicts are the biggest cause of mental stress in children
4. Today’s fight of parents dissolves poison in the coming life of children

 

Conclusion

It is natural to have a quarrel between parents. This is very common for every other home. But when the children start grinding in your midst, then the matter gets worse. As we grow up, we forget our childhood when we too were saddened by the conflict of our parents. And in childhood we used to run away from things, today you make a mountain of exactly the same situation in front of your children. Try to get the children a good environment. where they can be happy.

The purpose of this article wasn’t to hurt or blame the parents at all. But being parents, we should know our flaws. So that we do not inadvertently make the mistake.

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Other Important Articles

• Effects of Martial Disputes on Children
• How to Improve Relationship With Your Child