How anxiety destroys relationships and how to stop it

As much as my fellow introverts would like to respectfully deny, humans ARE social animals. It is an inevitability. In most cases, that relationship is purely symbiotic. You take what you require from the other and give what you don’t require but they do. Sometimes it is the mere need of companionship. It will always exist and take whatever form you want it to take.

Humans so far, have evolved far more than any other species and so have their relationships. It is however, also true that these relationships have become awfully tangled up and complicated. It’s not just give-and-take anymore. You are required to put your best efforts and learn how to read between the lines. If you have an outstanding emotional resilience, you will know how to take care of your relations with other people without overexerting your mind. But it is easier said than done. Between you and relationships, there are other factors also at play. Your health, career, aspirations, problems and whatnot. It is a two way process. More often than not, these factors come in between your relationship with people and can affect you mentally. Sometimes the effect is positive and motivating but sometimes it is stressful and unwanted.

Our relationships are one of the contributing factors in the state of our mental health. It may sound a bit of a stretch, but it’s not. Research and studies have been conducted on this topic and they clearly suggest that mental health issues are largely visible in people with unstable relationships. People with stable relationships on the contrary, are less likely to mentally unhealthy. Therefore, it is important to be aware of how you relationships and your mental health affect each other.

Here, I am going explain how anxiety -one of the most common mental disorders- negatively impacts the relationships and how you can deal with it.

What is anxiety and what are the signs that you have it?

Anxiety, as mentioned above, is one of the most common and pervasive mental disorders. In fact, around 284 million suffer from anxiety all around the globe. Nearly 10 million of them are in India alone! Now, you may already know but anxiety is a reaction to stress and makes you feel worried, scared and restless due to the impact of an event. Anxiety disorder can be used as an umbrella term for Obsessive Cleaning Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic attacks and many others.

You can usually self-diagnose if you have been facing these symptoms often-

• Irritability
• Hyperventilation
• Lack of concentration
• Fatigue
• Sweating
• Fast heartbeat
• Insomnia
• Palpitations

DO NOT IGNORE THE WARNING SIGNS. These little crumbs of ignorance would cause you a great deal of trouble if you let them pile up.

How does anxiety affect your relationships with people?

People are not simply driven by the need to take what we want and go away. No. We form our relationships in an intricate and complex manner, beyond logic and technicality. We play many roles based on them. We can be a son/daughter, a spouse, a sibling, a friend, a guardian, a student, an assistant, a head and much more. These relationships are not necessarily motive driven. Sometimes you are just thankful to have known them and would like to continue having them in your life. No further explanations required.

With relationships come responsibilities, expectations, pressure and motivation. You have so many things to manage, so many people to seek approval from and so many problems to deal with. It becomes too much sometimes. Everyone is not capable of handling so many things going on in their life without breaking down. People become paranoid. They are on edge all the time. As the world progresses, each passing day, more troubles are added to the list and you are forced to just deal with it. In such scenarios, some fight to keep their heads positive and energetic. Some just patiently wait for difficult times to pass. But some succumb to it. They are affected mentally and receive scars that cannot be seen. Others around them don’t even get a whiff of what’s wrong and sometimes brush it off as nothing. But it is always something.

There are several ways how anxiety affects relationships-

• Traumatic childhood events- When children are shunned, verbally or physically abused and discouraged, they become emotionally scarred. This develops anxiety, depression or other disorders in them. They have panic attacks and they lose faith in authority figures and shut themselves from within.
• Over-Dependence- Sometimes anxiety causes people to depend too much on others. They worry that they can’t do anything without somebody else’s help and expect others to always be there for them. This puts strain on both parties and may lead to distance between them. The dependent person becomes nervous and unconfident on her own and hinders their growth.
• Isolation- Some people have the opposite effect. They tend to distance themselves from their loved ones and don’t express what is happening to them. They lose contact with almost everyone and have no one to rely on. The loved ones on the other hand, become more and more worried due to the lack of communication. This also causes a lot of misunderstandings and wariness.

Experts believe that there is an urgent need to focus on the quality of our relationships, not only as individuals but as communities. People need to understand just how fundamental relationships are to our mental wellbeing.

How to not let anxiety affect your relationships?

The simplest way to not let anxiety drag you down is to treat the aliment itself. Here are a few ways that may prove helpful to deal with anxiety-

• Take a break- Go on a vacation. A change of place can sometimes do wonders.
• Question yourself- If you feel you’re losing control over yourself in some situations. Ask your some questions. Is something different? When did it start? What triggered it? Is it severe enough to require therapy? When you have analysed your answers, take appropriate measures based on the severity of your condition.
• Seek therapy- Don’t vehemently deny your condition. You are not lacking in any way. A therapy will help you get rid of the problem before it is too deeply rooted.
• Pen your thoughts- You could try writing a daily journal or just a little something whenever you are too overwhelmed.
• Aromatherapy- This is a type of healing treatment that makes use of plant extracts and aromatic essential oils to calm your body and mind. You could seek a professional or gather the supplies and try it yourself.

• Practice meditation
• Exercise
• Try something new

Well these were the common solutions for dealing with anxiety. Next I’ve pointed out these small things that could bring a big change and directly help you make sure you’re not letting your anxiety come in between your relationships-

• Loosen up your schedule and spend some time with family and friends.
• Follow a no-phones policy when you’re relaxing or out with friends. I know it might be tempting to check on your social media but you can always do that later.
• Actively listen and observe how people have been faring around you. They might need some support. Try to understand other person’s point of view. Trust me, you’ll have that favour returned in most pleasant of ways.
• Share what you’ve been up to these days. You can decide what you want to share but make sure they know when you could use some help.
• Steer clear from unhealthy relationships. Recognise when you’re being negatively impacted by someone. You could try finding a solution to the issue or try avoiding them.

Mental health has never been taken seriously. Well it’ll be more accurate to say that it is considered a taboo subject in many cultures and an outright discussion about it will be frowned upon. But it’s high time we start accepting it as a part of life, as much as we accept physical health.

Never let irrelevant people cloud your judgement. Those who truly love you will love you no matter what. You will do better being healthy and disliked by those with double standards than living in misery just to appease them.

So talk about it. Read about it. Seek help. Even the most celebrated therapists cannot do much unless you seek to change. All they can show you is a path. You choose how you want to walk through it.

Other Important Articles

• RELATIONSHIPS AND THEIR EFFECT ON HEALTH
• Personal Relationships and Mental Health
• Healthy relationship – a key factor of a person’s happy life