Effects of conflict and stress on relationships

“There will always be ups and downs in love like heartbeats, but it means that it is alive and working.” – Burhanuddin Jawadwala

We all know somebody who is in a stressful relationship because of some obligation, be it, love, be it time, be it the way their relationship started or anything else. In such cases, it is hard to work things out. Even though every relationship goes through a rough patch, what people often confuse with this rough patch is constant fights in the relationship throughout its course.

Understanding the difference between a toxic relationship and a healthy relationship has become a rarity nowadays. People will go through any lengths and “bear” through their unhealthy relationship. Let us take a closer look into these conflicts and the effects they have on us, on our relationships, and on the other person as well. We will also look at how we can try and cope up with such problems.

 

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What is relationship conflict? And relationship stress?

Any type of disagreement or argument in a relationship can be defined as relationship conflict. These small conflicts escalate and the individuals involved will experience feelings of frustration, unhappiness and anger which can cause them to act out in aggressive ways. These problems can cause a lot of mental disorders. They are also said to be the leading cause of stress caused in a relationship. Relationship stress is defined to be the strain caused in relationships which in turn affects our mental well being. In many cases, we witness that after going through this strain, the relationship becomes toxic and often abusive. That is why we need to understand the concept of conflicts caused by relationships and how can we overcome them.

 

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How do these conflicts affect us:

Strained situations in relationships can affect us in many ways. Most of them are unpleasant. They affect our mental, emotional and in abusive cases, physical well-being. Let’s take a closer view on these aspects:

Mental well-being:

We all know that love is one of the biggest concepts in our minds. At one point, we connect everything we have with love. It has become a unit to measure things. And that is why when things go wrong in a relationship in the slightest of ways, we feel sad. We keep thinking about it over and over again and come to various conclusions. A small thing ends up becoming a major conflict. And then it gives rise to emotions like frustration and stress. You are left with thoughts of self-doubt and you start thinking things like what is wrong with me and why am I not enough. These lead to inferiority complex and can further escalate to mental illnesses like depression, anxiety and can cause suicidal behaviour.

Emotional well- being:

Of course, when we talk about relationships we need to talk about how it can affect us emotionally. Conflicts in relationships can have long term effects on us and our spiritual well being. It leaves us emotionally damaged and makes us feel hopeless towards the future. We feel bound to the relationship because we fear that we might never experience love again and that is because we are not born for it. Thinking such things are wrong. Because everybody is entitled to affection. And that is why it is important that we remain strong emotionally through such a phase and understand that we are very much capable of love as anybody else is.

Physical well-being:

Many relationships become abusive when there is a conflict within it. This is especially prevalent in people who have already suffered through some mental disorder which has gone unrecognized. They feel frustrated and they remove these frustrations out by physically abusing the other person. An example would be domestic violence. We witness that mainly men become extremely violent with their wives over small conflicts and they hit them, they burn them, etc. Going through something like this would cause illnesses like depression and may lead to suicide.

 

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Conditions associated with chronic stress

Stress is often recognized as the silent killer, why because one doesn’t realize it’s demeaning effects long after it has reduced the person’s mental state to that of complete anarchy. In today’s corporate world, stress can lead to severe conditions. Frequent panic attacks, unaccounted bouts of emotional outbursts, feelings of low self-esteem are just some of the side effects. In extreme levels, it can even lead to severe depression or an apathetic state, where the will to live vanishes. Chronic stress, also reduces productivity and creativity, making it almost incapable of an individual to express their emotions, leading to even more frustration. A state of constant conflict can cause a lot of stress, and hence the proper way of addressing conflict can lead to a long way in terms of good mental health.

 

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Poorly managed conflict results in more conflict:

The proper address of conflict is a prominent concern. As humans with individuals feelings and ideals, conflicts are bound to happen, but if not handled carefully, they can lead to even more heated conflicts or even take a violent mode. For example, if there is a conflict between siblings, resolved in such a manner that one of them is not satisfied with the resolution if can lead to feelings of hatred, resentment and non-appreciation between the siblings. These pent up emotions will lead to conflicts muck more severe in their consequences.

 

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Unacknowledged conflicts can still hurt you:

Perhaps one of the most frustrating emotions is the fact that one feels unjustly treated and cannot be redeemed for it. It doesn’t matter then whether you are the one who initiated the conflict or the one on the other side. If a conflict is not resolved, the feelings of incompleteness and injustice will continue dwelling in one’s heart unable to find an avenue to express it. Many times, bad unresolved conflicts can inhibit an individual so distraughtly, that the individual will be afraid of exploring further in any form of field related to the conflict. For example, unresolved conflict with a boss can force a person to quit their dream job, or even refrain from pursuing a career in that field for fear of facing someone like that again.

 

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Coping with relationship conflicts:

One of the best ways to cope with any conflict is to BREATHE. Many conflicts arise when there is anger on one side and non-recognition on the other. The first thing is to breathe, the second thing is to aim at resolving the conflict. Often times relationship conflicts arise from a misunderstanding of words and emotions. The only way is to know what the other person is feeling, why the individual has felt the need to initiate the conflict. Once that is made clear, an attempt to start a dialogue with words like, ‘I understand’ or ‘ Tell me why you feel this way? ‘ or even a ‘ What do you think is the solution to this challenge we face?’. Terms like these, can help in addressing the issue and even in resolving it. Sometimes a third impartial party can also be helpful provided that the third party’s verdict is accepted fairly by both sides.