Rockabye – A brief overview of single parenting

“Life is a journey which sometimes has to be travelled alone.” – Anonymous.

How many of us are privileged to have two guardian angels always looking after us?

How many of us are actually grateful to them for carrying on with this task?

How many times in a day do we let them know that the efforts they take are not going to waste?

These are things to think about. We need to understand how lucky we are if we have both our parents with us.

Because there are mothers and fathers out there, who are raising their child alone.

In constant fear, in constant loneliness, they too have a duty to fulfil and they are doing it wholeheartedly, but even they deserve to have somebody go through with them.

If they can not have a parent, then it can be you as a child who can help your family if needed.

The thing about single parenting is that it takes its toll on the parent, no doubt. But it also takes its toll on the child the parent raises.

Let us take a closer look at what single parenting really is and how it can affect children.

Understanding Single Parenting

Single parenting is when a person raises a child alone without a spouse or a partner.

It is a tough job for one person to do because parenting is meant to be a job for two. Single parenting has adverse effects on the person who is the parent and the child.

It can be hard for both the sides and it often causes a lot of mental problems. Going through a divorce, or losing your significant other, living separately, these things affect a parent at many levels. Firstly, they are going through a crisis alone.

Secondly, they now have to raise a child alone.

Some parents do not get the hang of it and often blame kids for their life coming to a full stop.

The kids then start to feel inferior about themselves which can later cause them to feel depressed, or go through some emotional trauma.

The Pros and Cons of Single Parenting

We all know parenting is a difficult task to do. Doing it alone is even harder. Let us understand the pros and cons of how single parenting can be.

The pros:-

Command: You will always have the only command.

Nobody can question your decisions or oppose your trail of thought as to how you should or should not raise your child.

You will be making all the important decisions when raising your kid, like which school do you want to send them to, or something.

Finances: You get the opportunity to deal with finances yourself.

You will not have to answer to anybody or tell anybody else about how you have been handling your money.

In the end, you get to decide on how you will spend your money on your children, how you can divide your money according to your convenience.

Attention: Another pro of single parenting is that your child gets on divided attention.

There is no other distraction from your child and you put all your focus on their well being.

It is often difficult in the beginning but as you go through the process of single parenting, it becomes easier.

The cons

Struggle with money: Unless you are like really, really rich.

You will always struggle with money when you raise a kid alone.

It becomes a really tough task, trying to get enough money for their every need, all the while looking after your needs as well.

Responsibilities: You will be burdened with more responsibilities than a normal person and you need to find some common ground with that fact.

It can be really hard and tough to do. And you will have to do it alone.

Loneliness: Often in the middle of the day whilst doing your kids work, you might feel lonely and left out and overworked.

These can have adverse effects on your health.

The gender difference

Well, it is obvious that there will be a gender difference based on which kind of parent is raising the child, be it a mother or a father. Let’s see how it works.

Single parenting as a mother:

It is hard, no doubt. But it is a little more comfortable. After all, mothers find comfort in their children and nothing else. In most of the cases, we see that the fathers leave, and the mothers have to raise the kid alone.

Single parenting as a father:

It is harder for a man to raise a child than a woman because women are nature’s nurtures. Also, a kid may feel more terrible without a mother, than without a father. Being a single father is not easy, but it is really fulfilling indeed.

How single parenting affects a child’s mental health

Single parenting affects a child’s health in every aspect. Be it physical, mostly it is mentally and emotionally. A child can feel emotions more vividly when raised with a single parent. Let’s take a look at how it affects their mental well being.

Low self-esteem: Being raised by a single parent, considering that the other one left, leaves a child with extremely low self-esteem. They think that their parents did not want them and one of them left, and one of them is stuck. It can cause a greater inferiority complex and can make a child feel lost.

The sad future: Many types of research show that the kids which are raised by single parents are born out of undesirable conditions. The kids feel like they are a burden on their family. So they have a tendency to commit more crimes, being poor, consuming drugs, etc.

Depression: Depression is prevalent in kids. And especially when they lose someone really close to them. If they are with a single parent, because the other one passed away, it can impact a child’s mental well being and can just cause them to go in shock.

Emptiness: With a parent gone, the child will always feel an emptiness in them. Even with somebody who was never there, the heart still aches for it and it can cause them to have mental illness later as they grow.

Root cause: A lot of times, the phase the kid has to go through as a child of a single parent, becomes the root cause of a lot of mental illnesses and disorders later. They tend to develop a certain hatred sometimes, towards a particular gender or may develop psychotic tendencies.

Tips on how to cope with single parenting

Single parenting, as mentioned by me before, is a really difficult task to do. Therefore, it is important that you find some balance in your life. Here are a few tips, to guide you through a little.

Find a balance between your life, your work life, and your kid’s life.
Try connecting more with your child.
Make a firm family routine, which consists of the division of chores and some family time.
Make a structured time table to help your child with their homework and school work.
Learn to spend alone time, together. Try reading and other activities while being with them.
Set down a few ground rules, as to what is okay and what is not.
Be there for your child when they need you.
Try being an active listener for your child. They will try opening up to you if you are more understanding and attentive to their talks.
Do not ever take your anger and frustration out on the child.
Understand that you cannot be both the parents, and that is okay.
Take care of yourself. It is important that you do not get lost in your work life and your child’s life. It is still important that you have control over your life as well.