Harini Soudarmane
Chapter-1
Who am I!?
Myself, a woman aged 22 years has been through a lots of weird experiences in my life span. I am glad that I have got a platform to share mine and get to know about others too.
Speaking about myself, I am really a blessed child with lots of skills and talents. Since my childhood, I was brought up in a joint family and eventually mine too became a nuclear family. I have had a good education in a well reputed school and came out in flying colors. Then I took up a good course in college and I completed it in good grades. My dreams and aspirations have been higher always and I have put lot of efforts to get through each step of my life.
Since I was in the joint family, most of the time I will be with my grandma and my aunts and so there was no much bond with my parents. After a while, when I grew big I came to know about each and everyone’s true colors and began to get attached to my parents soon. But I have been feeling that awkward distance between parents till now. I am trying to fill that void and it’s definitely gonna take more time and energy. But still, my parents mean the most to me and I promised myself that I am not gonna make them worried anymore.
Each coin has two sides. When this is my one side, I have had a very bad other side. Yes! The teenage hormonal changes leading me to the relationship issues which still I am going through. Also, some incidents from the past keep haunting me often.
I am gonna share some of the worst accidents and incidents happened to me even if this seems much personal. Stuffs like this must be spoken out and must lighten our souls ourselves.
I have been sexually harassed by my own uncle and 3 more people. I was not aware of what it was and I couldn’t do anything about that then. As my parents were strict, I was scared a lot even to share it with them. And so I was forced to be quiet. And this happened until the age of 13.
The worst part is that even it happened during my 15th age without my consciousness. I felt very bad for that and I was scared a lot. I couldn’t even speak to my classmates and others for a quite longer period. I decided that males are generally like that and they can do whatever they wanted to. This kept haunting me a lot and I couldn’t even share it to anyone.
I have loving cousins to whom I share everything but I couldn’t even open up to them. That much bitter I felt about me and began hating myself feeling guilty all the time. And slowly I started to get over with it and come back to the reality because life has to move on anyway…
During my 12th grade, I began to speak with one of my school boys and fell for him. Let me name him as X. I was crazy about him. I wanted to live the rest of my life with him. I hope he was also true to me. But due to certain circumstances he broke up with me.
I was too broken during the first year of my college. Then came my college life where I enjoyed a lot. I became an hosteller as it was a residential college and I had great friends there. As like everyone I created a lot of memories there. Again one more guy entered my life. I liked him a lot as he was patient, calm and able to handle me in every situations.
But I felt no love for him but he has felt something for me. Yeah… That made a lots of difference. Everyone began to blame me that he was not in good shape just because I didn’t accept his proposal. This made me guilty and ultimately I had to bear all the guilts. I had no choice and due to certain obligations I was forced to accept him and be with him.
Even then I was true to him and as days passed on I began to fall for him. Once we value someone the most, our worth will be destroyed there. And I felt it. I was with him for 3 years and slowly everything began to change. The reasons why I fell for him has already vanished and he began to accuse me for everything.
He began to suspect me and that has already started the end of the relationship. Well I was the one who definitely wanted to end this because I was going through hell. Also I have been distracted a lot my lot of guys during my second and third year of college life. I anyhow managed to get over them and come out. Finally all I needed was one true love who would just pour me lot of love and care me as if there’s no tomorrow.
Finally I have been totally broken since because I didn’t receive enough love from inside my family and friends. And that’s why I kept running to strangers longing for love. And now the run is over. Everything has become numb. Nothing I could feel anymore. That’s what, not being loved has made me…
And finally I came to know that I don’t deserve to opt my life and so I gave up. I am just going with a flow and just focusing over my career.
In this Indian society, relationships play an important role and most of the times acts as the deciding factor of one’s life too. So I have chosen the topic RELATIONSHIP PSYCHOLOGY to work on because all these relationships have played a major role in making me and I need to study in detail about all these and share my knowledge with you all.
I thank each and every soul who has read my experience. And we shall proceed further in the next chapter. Have a great day everyone!
