Basics of Loneliness; Definition, causes and ways to deal with it

Picture this: There is a shiver running in your body . You are consoling yourself about your worth. You look around yourself for someone to talk to. But all you see are smiling and laughing groups in sync with each other. This scenario is so familiar to you, yet you endure it. In extreme cases, it has made you cry.

Loneliness is feelings and thoughts of discomfort and uneasiness when you feel alone or solo, according to American Psychological Association. Loneliness, like every social issue has its causes and consequences. But fortunately, there are methods to combat loneliness.

Three things will be dealt in this article:

• Causes of loneliness
• Consequences of loneliness
• Methods to reduce loneliness

Causes of loneliness:

1. Genetic Factors: A research done by McGuire and Clifford (2000). It had pairs of biological siblings, adoptive unrelated siblings and pairs of identical and fraternal twins. The data consistently indicated that the loneliness is based partly on inherited factors. It was seen that identical twins were more similar in loneliness than fraternal twins. This shows that greater the similarity genetically, greater similarity with respect to loneliness.

2. Attachment Styles: We all have attachment patterns. In a secure attachment style, we trust the other person sufficiently and we do not fear intimacy. In a fearful-avoidant or dismissive style, we stay in a relation out of fear or disregard the other person respectively. This insecure pattern often increases risk of loneliness. This is because the person is not able to trust the other or fears vulnerability in front of other.

3. Undeveloped Social Skills: It has been seen in research that children who attended preschool or any other form of interaction before formal school has led to development of social skills. This helps them to be better prepared to interact with their peers. Lack of opportunities for interaction in the formative years does significantly affect the learning of social skills. The children who interacted with peers in preschools and otherwise are more equipped with social skills and therefore, better liked in their schools (Ervin and Letchford, 2003).

Consequences of Loneliness:

• Lonely people tend to spend excessive time in activities which do not require people such as web surfing , reading book, having only few people to talk to (Berg and McQuinn, 1989).
• Lonely people feel left out and have a perception that they have nothing common with others (Bell, 1993).
• Loneliness has been consistently found to have possible links to depression, anxiety, unhappiness, having a shy nature, blaming oneself for issues in life and a pessimistic view about future (Jones, Carpenter and Quintana, 1985; Anderson, Miller, Riger, Dill and Sedikides, 1994; Jackson, Soderlind and Weiss, 2000).
• Socially, people tend to avoid people who are lonely. People perceive lonely people as having trouble adjusting in social settings. Therefore it is concluded that there is something fundamentally wrong with lonely people (Lau and Gruen, 1992; Rotenberg and Kmill, 1992).
• Surprisingly, loneliness is also linked with poor health and lower expectancy of life (Cacioppo, Hawkley and Berntson, 2003; Hawkley, Burleson, Berntson and Cacioppo, 2003). This could be possible because we believe that stress could be lowered when we are with people.

Methods to reduce loneliness:

1. Introspect and ask for feedback about your social skills:  It is often the case that while we think you are behaving properly, there could be a possible pattern which makes you distance from others. This could be our tone of pitch of speech or words you use. You need ask your near ones for feedback on social skills and if you find similar feedback from many people, you need to rectify it.

2. Practice getting comfortable in solitude: The people around you will not be able to provide you enjoyment forever. It is therefore essential, that you build a life for yourself. Discover your career, hobby and nature. Discover yourself and try to love yourself on a daily basis.

3. Get away from social media: It has been proved time and again that social media has increased social isolation. The two possible causes are: losing the ability to talk to people face-to-face and anxiety over someone else’s perceived flawless life. Having designated time for social media will help you manage your life far more and spend quality time with your dear ones.

4. Practicing a life of self-made choices: We all feel our life is not in our control. We all need to understand that unconsciously peer-pressure governs us a lot. We need to start making conscious choices and living life without blaming anyone. This will also helps us know which kind of people are right and wrong for us, thereby making us feel less lonely.

The post ends here.

Image Credit: Unsplash/ Adrian Swancar

Thumbnail Image Credit: Unsplash/ Anthony Tran