Ananya
‘Hey Diya, you know I finally had my first! I know we’ve been thinking about it since a long time but it was more difficult to take ourselves to do it.’
Reva and I are 22years old and have been friends since childhood. We got the chance of sharing most of our first experiences with each other. As we entered teens, we always talked about being a virgin. How it will be like, who the person will be. But that was all about how it will be to have ‘sex’ for the first time. We never talked how it will be like to be a virgin even in your 20s.
- ‘You know Reva, it doesn’t really matter if you’re a virgin or not, it shouldn’t be affecting us much. In anyway, Indians actually love their youths to be virgins’, she laughs.
Well, she’s not wrong. Indians do have a lot of stigmas related to unmarried girls having sex. But is it really about what our society wants? Why does a personal choice like this depend on our society? Clearly, they correlated such a pleasurable experience with measures of judgement for identity.
Due to this reason, so many of us have been restraining ourselves to have the experience. We have made such a big deal out of it that people think about other factors which are not even important, before having sex. “I’ll have to be in a relationship” “I should be sure about the person” “The person should see future with me”
Whereas we should only be making sure that the partner is comfortable with you; and you really want to do it, and not forced into it.
So, what is it like to be a virgin in India?
I’d say amazing! Apart from the fact how you feel about it, society cares less about you. You’re basically invisible. (Laughs)
Reva and I decided that we’ll not rush into it and not let peer pressure make the decision for us. I’m straight, and haven’t dated but Reva has been exploring. As my friend, she always used to come say ‘I’ve never met anyone I want to share my first experience with.‘ That kind of hit me, I realized that major part of being a virgin goes by thinking when is is right time and who is the right person. While searching for answer we overlooked the part where it is supposed to be a new experience and that we are supposed to treat it like one.
Often time goes by listening to other’s journey from virginity to experiencing sex. We develop dreamy ideas and possibilities. A major part of that is played by movies, series or stories. I believe the more we think about virginity, the more big of a deal it becomes, high expectations rises from it; we attach love and emotions to it.
” But, you know what Diya, although it wasn’t how I imagined and fantasized about, it was real. In that moment I thought to myself , wasn’t it all supposed to be? An experience? “
Bottom-line?
Being a virgin in India isn’t as amazing for a personal experience. Sex becomes a big deal, we think a hundred times before finally going on about it. It relates to having being in a relationship. It becomes more than just an experience, and series of decision-making process precedes it.
But one thing we should never forget, our choices makes us different. Want to have sex? Do it. Want to wait? Wait. Want to never have sex? Don’t. Live by your choices, and remember never to let anyone make you think poor about yourself because of it. Happy finding yourself through the journey!
