Effective communication skills to improve relationships.

“In a relationship, when communication starts to fade, everything else follows.” – Devin. C. Hughes.

 

SPEAK UP, OR BREAK UP –

TALK, DON’T STALK.

TELL, DON’T DWELL.

By the window, I sat, in the silence of my room, pitch dark – just a tiny night bulb illuminating a small section of my study table. I could hear the wind bringing the trees to life, as the leaves scratched and scraped against each other. It felt as if they whispered sweet nothings to each other.

“Ha! Even they can communicate better than I can”, I thought to myself. The episode that occurred with my lover that day haunted me and wouldn’t let me sleep peacefully. I kept thinking about how I was unable to address my insecurities, my fears, and my problems. I couldn’t find the words to explain what was bothering me to the man I loved! It broke me down, as I wept into my pillow and eventually succumbed to slumber.

Have you ever been in a position where you cannot bring yourself to open up to someone? Be it, someone, you love romantically or be it your own family or friends. You seem to dissolve your pain in tears that fall onto your pillow at night and cry yourself to sleep, but you don’t TALK about it or address the issues at hand. Well, sadly, you are not alone. There are a large number of people throughout the world who absolutely dread talking about their issues with their partners. While it is normal to feel so, it is extremely unhealthy to be in a relationship wherein you cannot freely express your emotions.

What is Relationship Communication?

And why is communication so important in a relationship?

“Talk to him!”

“At least tell her about it.”

“Why don’t you guys just talk it out?”

“It won’t work unless you talk about it.”

We often hear these sentences every time we discuss the troubles in our relationships. We advise people to go and speak to their partners and tell them that without communication, a relationship cannot work. So, what exactly is communication?

Why communication in a relationship is necessary?

Communication is basically expressing yourself effectively in a way that fully conveys your feelings to the other person. Being able to speak to your partner and understand them is the crux of what communication really means and it is something that is vital for a relationship to work out.

If two people cannot communicate well, their relationship is on a downward rollercoaster. It’s going to be like a car going full speed towards a dead end, eventually falling and crashing to its demise.

Communication in a Relationship is extremely necessary for a number of reasons:

1. Getting to know your partner –

Knowing what bothers our partner helps us understand the basic dos and don’ts of a relationship. It helps us fulfill their needs and give them what they look for in a relationship.

2. Building a stronger relationship –

Communication will definitely strengthen the foundation of a relationship since it helps us understand what the other person looks for in their partner. It adds meaning to a relationship when one starts sharing parts of themselves that they thought they never would, with a significant other.

3. Avoiding misunderstandings –

“Is he ignoring me?”

“Oh my god, is she with some other guy?”

“I bet he’s cheating on me.”

These are some of the thoughts which will only escape the traps of minds once we learn to ASK and to LISTEN. In the Netflix show “Alexa and Katie”, Alexa often finds herself in relationship troubles with her partners because she chooses to assume things instead of simply asking. As soon as she decides to confront them and talk about it, the conflict is resolved. (+1 to pop culture!)

4. It helps the love to grow –

“He spoke to me today, he finally opened up about things that he never thought he would tell anybody. I am so happy that he trusts me, I am so happy that he understands that I will always be there for him.”

Communication helps build trust among two people. It is a way of showing the relationship means something to you and that you’re all in.

5. It strengthens respect –

“I am so proud of you for going through something like that and still being able to put on a smile every single day and for fighting the world every single day.”

Relationships require respect. Communication is one essential tool to build respect. Your significant other will empathize with you and will respect you for the person you are. They will accept the real you and appreciate your efforts.

WHY PEOPLE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO COMMUNICATE IN RELATIONSHIPS –

If Raj would have delayed expressing his love for Simran, maybe Bollywood would have never had it’s “Jaa Simran Jaa” moment.

Maybe if Todd had confessed his evident affection towards Neil, the movie Dead Poet’s Society would have ended differently.

But, why couldn’t he do so? Why can’t people say things when they need to be said? Why do people find it so difficult to communicate with someone they are compassionate towards?

1. Ego –

Not texting first or not making the first move are some infamous trends in our generation that cause massive complications in a relationship. Being egoistic has become something that we have begun to take pride in, and it’s taking a toll on our relationships.

2. Bad past experiences –

Human brains are wired in a way that encourages us to learn and pick up things as we go. The experience we gather in life is vital in establishing our character and building our personalities. If we have had bad experiences in the past, it is natural that we find it harder to open up to people in the present.

3. Insecurities –

We all have them. We all hide them. We all hate them. And this is what causes cracks in our relations with others. The real monsters don’t hide under our beds, they live within us. They find ways to destroy what we value the most and often while trying to save others from ourselves – we lose them.

4. Fear of being judged –

We don’t tell others what we experience or go through because we fear that the other person may judge us or not understand clearly what we go through. We fear how they perceive us or how they may not understand what we need from life. This is why we find it difficult to communicate or tell our partners what we require.

So how should we open up? How should we find the courage to be able to tell someone our real feelings?

A FEW EFFECTIVE TIPS FOR COMMUNICATION IN A RELATIONSHIP

Do you want to be like Noah Flynn and Elle Evans, who manage to make their relationship work even from two different cities or do you want to end up like Ross and Rachel who take 10 seasons to realize that they are meant to be together?

Not the latter, of course.

So here are some tips which will help you communicate with your partner effectively.

1. BE HONEST

Honesty, indeed, is the best policy and must be applied in this condition. Never give your partner a reason to stay up at night and find trouble sleeping because you cannot manage to be honest with them. Anything that they ask, answer, and respond with complete honesty and never be the reason to sleep on a fight.

2. TIMING IS EVERYTHING

There is a time for jokes, and there is a time to be serious. One must always know the difference between these two otherwise, your partner might just turn into Eleven from Stranger Things and treat you like a Demogorgon! Jokes apart, always know that there is a fine line between jokes and disrespect that must never be crossed and there is a time and place for everything. If your partner is having a bad day, try not to make it worse for them and if they’re having a good time, simply let them be.

3. GIVE THEM SPACE

“I need my space”

This is something we hear quite often between couples. Well, while space is never the same as distance – we must make sure we give our partners their personal space and have this discussion with them. A lot of times, people need their me-time. Feel free to tell your partner when you need to be left alone and make them feel comfortable enough to communicate their needs with you as well. Don’t be like those obsessive Bollywood heroes, trust me, nobody’s really fond of it.

4. “WE”, NOT “I”

During a fight in a relationship, people often forget that it’s not one person against the other, it’s both of them against the problem. Don’t be selfish, don’t undermine someone’s feelings, don’t invalidate how someone feels about something because there is always a reason for it. Instead of losing your cool and going all Darth Vader on them, try to be the Jake Peralta to their Amy Santiago (or vice versa) and understand why they’re behaving in the way that they are.

5. SPEAK IN PERSON

Never, ever have any serious discussions over calls or texts. While calls or texts can be a useful tool for communication, it is not advisable to have serious discussions over texts or a call. The reason for this is that sometimes, we may be unable to convey what we really mean to say or we might misunderstand what our partner is trying to say. Meet up, TALK, COMMUNICATE and solve your problems together.

“I wish I had just told her while I still had time, I wish we had just spoken about it. I wish we just talked it out.” – These sentences can easily be avoided if there is enough communication between two people. Don’t go “full Boyle” on them, but be sure to show them that you care and that the relationship means something to you. We are not Thanos that we’ll snap our fingers and be able to make changes, but with enough efforts and perseverance like Eleven from Stranger Things, we can train our minds to do absolutely anything and can easily improve our relationship with these communication skills.

I’d like to conclude by quoting Mortimer. J. Adler who once said:

“Love without conversation is impossible.”

I wish for all my readers to build meaningful and wholesome relationships with ample communication and heaps of love!