Alchemy of Life

 

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”- Rumi.

 

How to find the meaning of life when reality hits you

Ah yes, the meaning of life when reality hits you. No matter how glamorous it sounds, it is always a tough journey. When I was asked to write about this, I happily agreed. I mean, it seemed like a nice topic. But now, as I write it, it goes deeper than how I can express it. It takes me a few years back. I am not a wise, old person. But my experiences till now have taught me a lot. Let me guide you through my journey, on I came across to find purpose in my life.

I always thought I had a very sheltered life. Going to the best schools, always being surrounded by people, always used to being the centre of attention. I never gave enough thought to how bad life can be. If somehow, I would find myself to be sad, it would be because my teacher chose somebody else is to do the work I wanted to do. Typical teenage problems. It was not a bad life, at least until then it was not. Slowly my problems kept rising and I was ignorant of them. I thought that if I do not dwell on them, they would not exist. Oh, how wrong was I.  There was a time when I thought that I am ready to date. And there was this guy I really liked from another school. Soon enough, we got together and started dating. Long story short, it did not work out. And because it didn’t, people started making their own share of stories as to why it did not.

I could not understand what was happening. People had started shaming me and had started calling out names and had started spreading horrible, terrifying rumours. I saw all my so-called friends going away.

 

I had started losing myself

The things which were being said had already started to take its toll on me. From losing everything I held importantly, I had started losing myself. I felt myself slowly slip away into this void calling out my name. I had isolated myself from everything. All the things that once made me happy now held no meaning to me. I was lost, and I was too young to realize what had been happening. It had been months and no one had tried reaching out to me because nobody saw what I was going through. I had made a decision to punish myself if nobody else would. I had started harming myself. Often late at night, I would think about the events of the day as I made scars on my body. It was terrifying. The only person who saw through me was my mother. Even if I never told her what happened, she knew something was wrong. And instead of pressuring me into answering her, she took me a doctor.

 

Diagnosed with Depression

I was diagnosed with depression. And I had some anxiety disorder. That has to be one of the toughest moments in my life as well as my mother’s. I was just gone. There was no me left inside of me. But with therapy and support from the few friends who stayed, I overcame this. I went back to the very place where it all began with the same people trying to wish me well. Well, that did not matter, not then and definitely not now. I became healthy again and it was a matter of a month before I was done with school. So I got through, and here I am. As healthy as I could be and happy.

Often when I go down this road, I remember what it was like, being stuck. I took a hold of a few things. That being a social butterfly, and having some status is just not the purpose of life. There is more to life and I can’t believe I wanted to give that up.  I understood that you need, above all, yourself. You need to know yourself, your soul so that you can move ahead in your life. Your soul is your rock and it will give you support to stick to the ground. I will just explain this in details below.

 

The realization when you face reality:

You, You, You: I cannot stress this enough. You need to find yourself, find out who you really are, what are your core values, what is it that makes you or breaks you. You need to try and understand your purpose, why has the universe brought you to this point and for what. Ask yourself these questions and then search for answers within you.

 

Importance of health:

Another thing I thought a lot about when I was in that stage was how important it is to have good health, mentally and physically. Health should be your utmost priority if you want to continue and move on with your life. If you are unhealthy, you are restricted. If you want to go beyond what you see, you need to be healthy.

 

The importance of the ones who stay:

I could not have made it through without the people who were with me. The people who stay back to help you, to see you grow and be happy are the ones which truly matter. You do not need to be surrounded by people to feel happy. Just the ones that love you are enough.

 

Who you want to be:

As I was down, I couldn’t help but think that if I go on who would I want to be and how. I just knew I had to reach out to people. I knew what it was like to feel lonely in a crowded room and I just wish that nobody ever goes through something like that ever again. I decided that I will sing and express myself through my voice. It is a long, hard road that I have decided for myself but it will be really fulfilling because it’s not about the money or the power that it can bring. It is about the happiness it will bring knowing that I’ve helped somebody in pain.

 

The importance of contribution:

I would not have realised this, if this one particular teacher who had never taught me, did not know me well, and yet she was kind to me. As if she could see my pain at that time through my eyes. At that moment, I understood how important it is to be kind and to give back to the world. And how it can just, make somebody’s day or even be the small push they needed to go achieve what they set out for.

 

Opportunities:

The last thing I thought about was how many times I gave up on opportunities. It was this one thing that made me think about how different things would be if I had done that. And that’s when I decided that I will never let go if a door opens. Because the universe is always trying to tell you something and it’s upon you to understand it or ignore it.

 

Letting go:

It is just one of the biggest things you need to learn to do. You need to let go of what has happened and turn a new leaf. If you hold what happened with you, you may just as well keep going back to where you started from.

 

Being firm in your beliefs:

From my experience, there’s just this one thing which is really required from a person. That is belief. Not in any god or any person, but in yourself. And in those beliefs, you will find what you truly stand for and maybe it will help you define the purpose of your existence better.

 

It’s a cruel world:

This was a really sad realization, to be frank. But it is the truth. The world is a cruel place and it won’t take a minute for the people who hate you to chew you up and throw you down. Learning to know the difference between these people and the ones who love you have always been tough for me. But now that I know, life has been much, much easier.

 

Value of time:

The last realization that dwelled upon me was how I have wasted my time. There is just so much I could have done and I did not do. So many chances gone to waste. Luckily for me, I still have a long way to go. But I still cannot get back the time I have let go of. So understanding the value of time is important and try making the best out of it.

Towards the end, I would just like to say that this was my journey. What you are going through or what you have been through can or could have been completely different. But what really matters is that you make it to live and love another day. And then you grasp hold of what is happening and how you can change your situation and follow the purpose for which you have been sent down.