Hey guys! Today I am here pouring my heart out in hopes that it will help people out who may find themselves in the same situation as me. 

We all have some unpleasant moments in our lives, mine were no different. To sum it up right from my childhood I became really good friends with my loneliness and I always waited for someone to give me that affection and the moment I saw that happening I held onto it like my life depended on it. All of it started when I was in 8th grade. New group of friends and that I best friend who I thought understood me, things were great until 9th grade where my bestfriend developed symptoms of anxiety disorder and things started getting messy as I was the care giver and I had no idea she had anxiety. I just knew that there is something wrong with her and her parents are making her visit a therapist who helped her solve the issue. By the ending of 9th we got into a huge fight during our final exams which resulted in me failing in 2 subjects. And that's when all of the things hit me all at once and I developed symptoms of anxiety. It was a feeling I was not aware of but could somewhat relate to because of my ex - bestfriend. I wanted to get rid of that feeling so I started looking it up on the internet the symptoms that I was experiencing and found out that what I am going it can be anxiety. I asked my parents to take me to a therapist they were not sure what was happening but realised that I needed help and agreed. I went to my first session and was informed that I did have anxiety but it can be treated. 2 years into therapy and constantly working on myself I saw myself getting better and better. And in that process one of the key things was my journal. I also loved craft and painting since the very beginning and I started maintaining a journal since 8th grade. At first it was just random things but as I entered 9th grade I realised that my journal because a place for me to express my feelings through art without any judgement and unknowingly I was using art therapy in my journal which helped me heal. Till date I have a journal that I still draw or paint in when I am not able to express my feelings into words and it gives me comfort in the most bizzare way. 

After experiencing anxiety myself and also being a caregiver to my ex- bestfriend I finally understood what anxiety meant and never wished for someone to go through that feeling again. Because believe it or not it eats you up from inside. That's when I decided to get into psychology and be a clinical psychologist in the future. And I am working on that goal. 

The bottom line is even when you feel like this is the end and you are stuck, don't lose hope. Believe in yourself because you're strong enough. Because you're worthy and you deserve the world, even though you don't feel like it at that point of time. You can do it! I believe in you. 💖

Here is a page from my journal for an example: