Be Real Not Perfect by Nidhi Dahiya (Chapter 2)

In the previous chapter, I talked about how psychology plays a pivotal role in my life and make it worth living. Let’s take a look at how friends, dreams and never giving up attitude is important for a person.

Life is beautiful but unpredictable surprises lie in the path before we reach our destination. Sometimes, these surprises turn into bad moments or bad moments turns out to be a blessing for us. A person who has been with you throughout your bad and good surprises is your friend.

Have you ever met anyone coincidentally, who became your friend for lifelong? I’m sure you can think of someone to whom you have said these lines – You’re the first person I have ever told about my secrets or you are the merely person with whom I can really talk about this. Yes, we all have that person in our life. If you say these lines to someone or a person say this stuff frequently then you are fortunate. You surely know how to inculcate with people deeply and passionately.

This is a sign that people trust you for being honest, vulnerable and open with them. I have heard these lines a lot of times from numerous people including strangers. This is something that I have observed that people do confide in me so comfortably. Though it’s a difficult thing to reveal your dark side to someone else. Always remember, when people confide in you, just be open-minded and accept them for who they really are.

My friends accept me as who I’m and this is what my close one says:

“As to know you in the best way I have lived my core time of life with you. Experiencing your emotional side to being a witness of becoming you stronger day by day life has changed a lot. You exactly know how to use skills in the best possible way. In short, you can make a building on a small plot. You have always been psychological, you know people you know their actions, you are well aware of the scenarios. This makes you perfect as a professional in a friend.”

“You have a good sense of humour and you are a genuine, kind and helpful person. Sometimes you get irritated when I ask you so many questions. Though you got the same thing of asking so many questions. You help people even you don’t like them which is good quality, this quality makes you different from others. Most of the time, I feel like there is so much to learn from you and you are my secret diary and my crime partner. You are not good actually you are an amazing human being, friend, a girl or Maa papa ki favourite bachi. Actually these words are not enough to describe you.”

“For me, you are the only person who can understand me ….not only me but you can understand anyone and solve their problems. You are true, honest and always stick to her words.”

Friends make my life easier but still have to face the world alone. So, never doubt your worth, when people want to run a rat race.

First of all, Trust the vibes you get…

Sometimes, we have a feeling to walk away from a situation or people around us. The instincts that urge to distance ourselves from things which don’t feel right. Why do you think that instinct is right, we have to listen to it and follow up our gut feeling.

It’s the same thing when you like a place or a person that vibe attracts us for a reason. It’s perplexing but we truly trust that feeling. Every single person has great inner wisdom inside. It helps us when it matters but many people don’t follow this instinctive feeling. It can’t be shown so, it makes people think that it’s not real, it doesn’t matter or doesn’t make any difference in our life. But that vibe exists, it matters and make a huge difference in everyone’s life, so don’t ignore it. In any situation, just calm your mind and listen to your gut feeling. Try to feel this vibe around you or how you feel around others. You have to distance yourself or have to get closer to the people. Get along with this feeling of energy around you and see the positive changes such as

Loving your flawed self

Recently, I had an insight that I didn’t realize just how deep I desire to please this society. And until very recently, after a couple of very deep soul searching times, I realized, it’s more important to love your flaws instead of fixing them for others.

Everyone is expected to hide their imperfections or to be embarrassed of what isn’t perfect about them, even though it is the merely thing that makes them, who they actually are and connects them to the world.

People resist this idea of loving their flaws for most of their life, worrying that if they actually loved the things they thought were wrong with them, the flaws would somehow never change and they’d be stuck with them for their whole life. We all know that learning to accept those sides of yourself is not at all easy. It’s not easy to love yourself when you do something wrong, when your bad habits get worse when you hurt someone, but that’s when it’s also crucial. Remember that how you see yourself is not certain how you are in life. What you may see as a flaw or weaknesses, others may perceive as your strengths and admirable courage.

Love yourself the same even in the moments when you are wrong or at fault. Love yourself unconditionally and embrace your scars. We are here to impress our soul not the society.

As the Silent souls yell the loudest

The journey of souls of many people passes through mental illness. They are the one with silent souls, a happy face who has not uttered a single word for a long while. Their yelling loud voices have been trapped inside their mind, their body but they crave to get themselves unleashed in the dark endless way. However, they can’t find themselves and caged this loud voice within because they don’t want to be stigmatized by society.

As we know, in India, Mental illness is surrounded by a huge stigma and it is widely ignored by the people. It has become so usual but very little talked about in our society. We have to stop this stigma before we lose someone who we love or care for. And getting treatment for mental illness is no different than physical injuries.

See, You can’t heal your soul or get treatment if you remain silent. It has become so crucial to talk about the challenges you are facing in life. You can’t let the deep, dark world to block your way to the real world. Stop suffering in silence, stand against the stigma and share your feelings,

Just don’t give up

Have you ever felt like leaving everything behind and lost somewhere, where no one can recognize you? Or give-up life which does not allow you to be happy? Every single person goes through this common feeling of struggle. Our life is full of twists and turns, despite of all, we work so hard to achieve our goals. And when we don’t get our desired results. We simply walk away without realizing that maybe we were just one step away to reach out to our destination.

Very often, I do all the hard work and I don’t get what I wanted. And this leads to sadness on inside. I don’t prefer any around me. Although I want my friend to know about everything I go through. They listen, give all weird suggestions. But in the end, we can only heal or help ourselves. And when I make myself realize that, it’s not the end of everything. This a just a temporary phase and I can face all my problems. Things get easier and give a more clear picture to my goals. So sometimes, its fine to be sad or have a feeling of giving up on everything. But the successful person in life is the one who overcomes this phase of struggle.

I thought about quitting and believe me, giving up what you believe in isn’t easy.

So, Die with memories, not dreams

At night, it was already late but I was fast awake. Flashback of old memories was in front of my eyes.

However, thinking and reflecting on my past life. I was hoping for the best future and dreaming of better moments while fighting with past memories. I was depressed and had suicidal thoughts. Now the thoughts have been conquered but left emotional scars on the inside. I lived through silent storms but waited for the right time. All the past memories have become phantoms in my life, but still, have a tight hold of me. I accepted every circumstance and also those bleak days of my life. I’m well aware that my past is impossible to retrieve but I’m still hoping to be happy in future. I’m just waiting for the spark to make my dreams come true and live my dreams happily. I know the happy moments I live and the pain I go through is all temporary. But my dreams are not and I’m not afraid to work hard to achieve what I want.

Because If it’s your life, then you have to be the author too.

I think I’m at war with words…every time I lose, I write. One day, some aunties from my neighbourhood came to my house and they started their usual talks. While I was passing from there, they saw me but unfortunately one of them called me. I walked into the room and greeted everyone. “Aree, you are also here? But I have not seen you for months.” (I was like, of course, I am here, this is my house. In this situation, where do you guys expect me to go?) This is what I wanted to say but couldn’t. I simply smiled. And then, all these curious cats started asking questions about my education and career. “What’s are you doing these days?” I told them. “What’s your dream?” Before I could answer, another aunty said,” paaglon ki doctor” and she laughed. I was not at all surprised. What do I expect from them, when their own children were forced to do something against their will. In short, their children could not follow up their dreams. Up on the surface, I was calm and content with the way things were going around me, but it was just for the appearance.

Sometimes, your subconscious gets swamped and work on some heavy emotional business. This endless debate inside my head usually starts every time, I tried to go to bed. However, I could reach a conclusion. You won’t achieve anything unless you believe in and act on your dreams. See, you have to do it alone, nobody is going to achieve for you. Unless you have that godmother from fairytales, you have to take matters into your own hands. And look for an increasing sense that you are not doing, what you should be doing to accomplish your goals. Let your imagination call the shots and keep your dreams safe.

AS life is a game of survival and we have to make sure to win it

In everything I write I find it a part of me, as if I was broken into words and these words are the merely source to convey my concerns about whatever is happening around. But sometimes, I feel like these words are mute.

I have realized one thing that the person is a prisoner, trapped by his/her own thoughts and constant lies of being happy. Some people come out of these traps with victorious colours and some could not and they choose death over their life. Their sufferings can only be known by the one who had suffered. No one knows what they have been through or felt like. At times, things that are said by the people are not enough and sometimes the answer lies in what was left unsaid by them.

Help yourself and help each other to save one precious life. Look for what is actually happening to their soul as the face has betrayed many. People hide their pain that lies behind their smile and you don’t know what’s hidden deep inside. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, loneliness and hopelessness they are going through. Guys don’t try to hide your pain as it will come back to you again and this pain brings numbness to the soul and you won’t heal easily or may be never.

Be there for them or be with someone who asks you how was your day. When there is someone with whom you can share your stories, life becomes much easier.

If you are stressed, disturbed or depressed about anything, share it with your friends, if not then your family or seek therapy.

And always remember, Stubborn hearts survive the longest in this uncertain world.

 

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Conclusion:

Friendship is a support system which helps you to do better in life. But I believe, not every battle can be fought with support. Some battles are fought in our own minds, sometimes with our own people. So, you have to be a fighter who accept their flawed self, who doesn’t give up on their dreams, who is an always and will remain a survivor of the game called life.

 

Be Real, Not Perfect: Series by Nidhi Dahiya (Chapter 3)