Are you Shy?

Do you define yourself as Shy? If so, why?

Had you asked me this before I started writing this article, my answer would’ve been ‘Yes, I am shy’ and that ‘Because that’s the label I fit into’. It’s not that I am suddenly not shy, but my perception of the term shy has changed a bit.

Ever since I can remember, the earliest days of my childhood were of me feeling like an outsider. While the rest of the kids my age seemed to get on swimmingly well, I could never quite fit in.

I still remember my father saying: “You can be how you want to be inside the house. But out there, you should be a good kid.” I know not, what defines as being “good” but I knew it had to do with being Quiet and Obedient. That, I guess was the start of my double life.

Now, I am not blaming my parents because they don’t want their kid to turn bad. After all, isn’t it wise to adapt according to the situation? But then, the mask that I set, and the image I had to protect became exhausting. For you see, that image didn’t help me get along with my peers. No one likes Goody-two shoes.

Too scared to rock the boat that I stayed quiet and agreed politely – yes, I just quoted Katy Perry’s Roar.

Now then, is being introverted and shy the same? The answer is No.

The state of being introverted is the tendency toward being wholly concerned with one’s own mental life.

If you lean more towards being an introvert then you:

• Prefer time to yourself drained by social interactions
• Prefer working alone
• Have a close circle of friends and like it that way
• Are accused of zoning out a lot
• Prefer writing over talking
• Feel more

 What is Shyness?

Shyness (also called diffidence) is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness especially when a person is around other people.

Funnily enough, even before I knew this meaning of the word “Shy”, I had defined myself as such. Why? because the people around me had.

Somehow it had become a shield for me. An excuse to stay inside my comfort zone. When you tell people you are shy, it both relieves the other person and yourself of the reason for your awkwardness. For your lack of response.

On the other hand, you are too conscious of those around you. This sensitivity towards others can be both a boon and a bane. On the one hand, you will be called as sensible, on the other the satisfaction of being a people pleaser isn’t everlasting. You’d be worn out soon.

Can low self-esteem be a characteristic of being shy? The answer is Yes.

Types of Shyness

Shyness can vary in strength. Many feel mild feelings of discomfort that are easily overcome. Others feel an extreme fear of social situations and this fear debilitating.

Origin

About 15 per cent of infants are born with a tendency toward shyness. Research has shown biological differences in the brains of shy people. – Interested? See Genetics and heredity.

But a propensity for shyness also is influenced by social experiences. It’s believed that most shy children develop shyness because of interactions with parents.

Parents who are authoritarian or overprotective can cause their children to be shy. Children who aren’t allowed to experience things may have trouble developing social skills.

I am a prime example of this. A safe path has been laid out for me. All I have to do is walk it. While I’m not complaining, it did induce my ignorance, risk aversive and cautious personality combined with lack of social skills – can’t deny if I think about it!

Genetics and Heredity

Research states that on a biological level, it can be due to excess of Cortisol, which makes one less immune to illness/disease.

Shyness can also be linked to the transporter promoter region polymorphism (5-HTTLPR). The short form of which is shown to be related to anxiety-based traits.

Another gene would be dopamine D4 receptor gene (DRD4) exon III polymorphism.

A symptom of mercury poisoning – Yes, it is possible

Erethism, a symptom complex of mercury poisoning can cause an excessive form of shyness, lack of confidence, timidity, social phobia.

Prenatal Development – still remember your Geography lessons?

Apparently, an analysis of longitudinal data from pregnant women living at specific latitudes shows a significant relationship between hours of day length during midpoint pregnancy and the prevalence of shyness in children.

Low Birth Weights – Another plausible factor

Shyness vs Social Phobia

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is the intense irrational anxiety you may experience during social interactions.

Your heart starts raising, you are short of breath, you start trembling and you are far too self-conscious during your everyday social interactions.

It makes you avoid any situation in which you may be judged because of the excessive fear that arises within yourself.

Shyness on the other hand is on a milder level that doesn’t affect your normalcy tremendously. It can be highlighted that it is only when you meet new people or are in an unfamiliar situation that you may experience anxiety.

Social vs behavioral inhibition

Holding yourself back voluntarily from saying/doing something in social situations – Social inhibition which is a good thing if you ask me.

The involuntary temperament of being distressed/withdrawn/being fearful during social situations – Behavioural inhibition which is bad because it eventually leads to SAD.

How can shyness be treated?

Self – awareness and acceptance. Treatments are mainly for working on your self-esteem. So, if you feel you are tired of the irrational thoughts that cloud your head, you look for:

Psychotherapy/talk therapies

Relaxation techniques like deep breathing for the anxiety

Overcoming shyness

Comfort zones are your biggest enemy

When you are comfortable, you won’t make an effort to befriend new, try new things. How can you begin to improve your social skills if you don’t try reaching out to people?

Try not to give into Herd Mentality 

You know what they say about herd mentality.

Your friend says “Hey, let’s not do this”. You nod along even if you feel otherwise. You convince yourself to think along the same lines as your companion.

Stop thinking and start implementing

You won’t have to move a bit and things fall into place. It will, but down the lane, you’d start feeling empty. It will start with you not feeling like doing anything and end up in what people call Depression.

So, if you feel yourself starting to procrastinate, divide the task into small chunks and complete them.

Be kind to yourself

Try validating your assumptions as much as you can

Conclusion

You will be judged no matter what you do so, might as well be who you are. No matter what, your personality is a wonderful part of who you are. So long as, it does not hinder your personal growth. Keep growing!