7 signs your current therapist isn’t the one for you

You have finally gotten yourself to go therapy. It was a hard, arduous process and a tough decision to make. Its been a while since you have started therapy, but you feel like you are going nowhere. You begin thinking that maybe something is off about your therapist, maybe they are not supposed to be this way- this is NOT what you thought therapy would be like. You try bringing it up with them, but they shut you down.

Well, you may actually be right about there being something wrong with the therapy sessions, and the problem is NOT with you-it maybe with your therapist. Listed below are a few red flags that you can watch out for, if you feel there is something wrong in the therapeutic process.

• They are unethical

A professional therapeutic relationship generally involves empathy and unconditional positive regard, amongst other core components; but however, it the relationship progresses from that to a romantic relationship- then it is a definite red flag. Unethical behaviour need not only stem from sexual advances. It could also include making a sort of racist remark. Or engaging in any sort of financial wrongdoings, such as charging the client extra than the decided rate, or charging the client for time other than spent in the session.

• Jack of all trades, but master of none

Some therapists ask a lot of questions, try to cover a lot of things- everything from your family, friends and relations- which help is understanding past trauma, but perhaps not a specific problem. Many therapists do not have the expertise in specializing in one field, even of they may have the experience. They may be well-versed, but not experts.

If that the client hopes to gain from therapy is a wider insight into their thoughts, then perhaps a general approach is preferred. But for more specific issues like dealing with a traumatic incident, a therapist with that specific expertise might be of a greater aid.

• Ignore confidentiality and emergency protocol

Right from the beginning, during the first session, the therapist generally asks the client to fill an intake form, which includes numbers of emergency contacts. Moreover, the therapist explains what confidentiality is and discuss situations in which confidentiality will be broken. However, if the therapist breaks confidentiality and discusses the clients with his colleagues (as a way of making conversation) then it is safe to say that the behaviour is completely unprofessional and unethical, and is a bright red flag.

• Client feels like the sessions are more time-based than result-based

Most clients have therapy sessions in weekly slots, with the session being for around an hour or so. The problem with hour long weekly sessions is that the issue at hand tends to get drawn out. The problem takes time to get solved, or it never really does because therapy is session based rather than result-based. The client may feel like maybe they are doing okay after the session, but it is possible that some deep-rooted trauma is yet to be resolved. That is not to say that weekly sessions of therapy aren’t helpful, they do provide aid. But if a client is dealing with something that needs more attending to than just hour-long weekly sessions, perhaps seeing a therapist who can provide help whenever they are going through a tough time, can be better.

• They go overboard with self-disclosure

Self- disclosure is indeed a therapy skill that can be used to show empathy, build trust and foster an even stronger therapeutic relationship. However, if the therapist shares too much information about themself, then the session/ therapy is no longer about the client, but about them now. Over-sharing draws attention to the therapist and sort of pulls the client to take care of them. Self-disclosure ought to be helpful for the client, not some form of catharsis for the therapist. If you therapist speaks more about himself or speaks way more than you during therapy, it is a sign that he/she doe not understand where to draw the line between personal issues and work.

• You feel shamed and worse after the session

The whole point of therapy is to help you get better, and if every session of therapy only makes you feel worse; then perhaps your current therapist is not the one for you. If your therapist saying things or does anything that makes you feel judged, then it obvious that something isn’t right. For example, they may roll their eyes at something you just said. You can call them out for it, and if you aren’t happy with their response, or if they do it again- do not hesitate to tell them that you want to end the therapeutic relationship.

• They are not good listeners and they disrupt the sessions

Therapists are humans too. So, it’s possible that they may not remember minute details, but they ought to keep in mind key areas of concern about all their clients, However, if the client feels like they are going through the first session with the therapist repeatedly, where the issues were first discussed, then perhaps the therapist is not paying adequate attention. If they are not listening to you, as well as disrupting the session- say, by texting or looking at the phone- then as a client who deserves the focus of his/ her therapist, you ought to find a therapist to gives you that.

It is important to keep in mind that all therapists are not like this. Seeing such letdowns in your therapeutic experience is understandably hard; give that it takes effort, hard work and great strength to begin therapy in the first place. However, your mental health and wellbeing is important, and we hope that one bad experience does not hinder you for seeking treatment that you rightfully deserve. Rest assured, there is a therapist out there who will understand you and help you get better.

References

Tartakovsky, M. (2018). Therapists Spill: Red Flags a Clinician isn’t right for you. Psych Central. Retrieved from: https://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-red-flags-a-clinician-isnt-right-for-you/