What is Acceptance?

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

― Lao Tzu

We often go through different situations in our lives, which leave us thinking about what went wrong, what can be done to salvage our relationships or the event which has happened. That is not wrong. Humans tend to shirk away from changes at large; to remain in homeostasis-body and surroundings, so naturally, change might be looked at with aversive eyes. It is not easy to accept what has changed, and thus we end up engaging ourselves to make things ‘back to normal’. In terms of expenditure of mental energy, this is a bigger and risky investment, than the alternate: accepting the present.

The word acceptance has roots in Latin, originating from acquiēscere, which means to rest quietly, or without protest. The linguistic and interpret versions to portray acceptance in the light of a sacrifice, or defeat; something as a failed result of tiresome efforts.

However, several domains such as spiritual, theological and even psychotherapeutic, view acceptance in a positive light, as the path to success, mental peace and bliss.

One of the core tenets of Abrahamic religions is acceptance. In Islam, the word itself means acceptance, submission and surrender to God. Christianity embraces acceptance in terms of the Will of God. Jewish people accept the Commandments as a way of living life.

The theme of acceptance is a multi-faceted one. The psycho-spiritual inference for the term is a non-judgmental mindset.

Among the four noble truths in Buddhism, the first is –All life is suffering, which makes humankind to accept the course of life, and how suffering is a part of it which might never leave, but it is not all that there is; there’s happiness along with suffering.

The core understanding of discomforts of life is that if a person will keep resisting them, they cannot attain happiness which is of a greater proportion than suffering. However, if there is an acknowledgement without resistance that is accepted in the purest form then one can be blissful, and embrace the larger happiness than being caught up in their distress.

From a psycho-analytic evolutionary point of view, this acceptance is a means of prolonging the longevity of life, increasing survival. When the individual is resolving the conflict by rationally accepting the situation, they are decreasing cognitive dissonance and resistance which, by highlighting the positive aspects and subliminally reducing the portion the distress takes in our conscious.

Kubler Ross Model

In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross gave a five-stage model of grief, in her magnum opus On Death and Dying. The model came to be known as The Five Stages of Grief which includes the stages as: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally acceptance.

The grieving incident can be the death of a loved one, a break-up, and accident or any number of possibilities, but these are the major identified stages. However, it is not a strict hierarchical model.

“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.”

-Arthur Rubinstein

Acceptance is not something which can be faked. Our mind will always have that state of conflict, which further adds up to distress. True acceptance is peaceful; it is a hard choice to make, it takes time to accept something from within.

The third wave of psychology brought along with itself themes of positivity, gratitude, and acceptance. Humanistic school of thought talks about unconditional positive regard and conditions of worth. How can a human, even though a therapist, have unconditional positive regard, and accept everything a person has done and still provide refuge and comfort? How can a parent love their child unconditionally, nevertheless based on their accomplishments, or bad doing?

Again, the key is acceptance. It pertains to being aware, mindful and agreeing to how the reality is without resisting it.

There are differing approaches to acceptance; these approaches together create a holistic presence of blissful acceptance in a person.

Self-Acceptance

We all wish to change things about ourselves time and then. The model of self talks about and ideal and real self, and the disparity between both these realms causes psychological discomfort and conflict. Let’s look at an example: body image issues. A fat person is obliged into feeling inferior by society, but then it becomes heavily ingrained in the individual to look down on themselves and feel inferior. They constantly wish to look different so that they can be accepted into society. Society for sure is problematic, but what becomes more hazardous is the self-critical inner voice which is constantly telling them off-You cannot wear that dress because you will look fat; don’t eat that cheeseburger. This unacceptance developed in the mind causes a lot of scarring and trauma to the person. Self-acceptance is the realm of body image issues has been recently brought a lot, where the individuals are told to accept how their bodies are and feel good about themselves without falling into the traps of societal expectations and norms. This also correlates with concepts of self-love, because ultimately, this is about happiness and a discontinued feeling of dysphoria. When one accepts who they are, the Self strengthens.

“Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.”

― Nathaniel Branden

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

This is a new therapeutic approach in the cognitive-behavioural and mindfulness related therapies, also known as the third wave of psychotherapy. Its core tenet is psychological flexibility.

The clients are helped in recognizing means in which they can manage their emotions accordingly, and create a balance between time; focusing more on the present.

Acceptance of the reality is integral to our wellbeing. Having tolerance, patience and the willingness to acknowledge something, to be in accordance with something without protest. That doesn’t imply that one should sit silent and always accept everything, but things which cause us discomfort and stress must be tackled in a way that brings us peace, and sometimes that is acceptance, to bring happiness and bliss to the mind.