Apeksha Sharma
They say when one thing goes wrong everything else feels wrong too.
I always thought this was a mere exaggeration but life taught me that it wasn’t. Hello everyone, I am a person who built my entire life again after god shattered it.
I might sound absurd but I guess we all acted absurdly once in our life. So I guess we can begin now.
What can go wrong for an 11-year-old girl who was completely spoilt by her father? Well, in my case a vehicle accident can take the person she loved the most away from her forever.
I won’t say that’s when things went weird because after all, I didn’t even know that I am never seeing him again. For me, he was just on a long vacation.
I was just trying to be a little comfortable at home without him when things started getting worse. The new school called for the enthusiastic me while all I could do was to sit in the corner alone, not understanding what to do.
New friends were hard to make and the old ones just left. My marks degraded at a speed higher than normal and my confusion increased even more.
All I had were students who either ignored me or indirectly outcasted me.
The funny thing was that it was only at age 14 that I realized I was bullied. It felt like something was extremely wrong like something was eating me from inside.
Everything I ever liked or cared about started slipping out of my hands. My mom was convinced that it was just the effect of my father’s leave but I knew it was much more than that.
A demon was eating me bits by bits and I?
I just wanted to run away. I wanted to hide in a box and never come out again. The scared kid in me wanted to stop breathing and it did everything to accomplish that.
Every time the kid used to look down from the terrace and wonder if she should take a step forward. But, every time something stopped her, a voice? A thought ? or fear? The third time I was caught, just a split-second difference between my action and my mom’s reaction. That embarrassment and fear made me speechless. What was I doing?? Was I really leaving my mom behind? Was I really this selfish?
My mom never spoke a word about it.
All I could see was hatred in her eyes.
Does she hate me?
Will she leave too?
Did I just break her trust??
But it took me a few moments to realize that the hatred was for herself. She was hating herself. And this was my sign to stop.
To live…
And to be with her without thinking about what’s gone.
My heart suddenly felt heavy rather than empty. The tears rolled down my cheeks while I came back to my senses.
These events still haunt me to date.
What it provided me with?
It provided me with “Philophobia” and depression.
I would be lying if I say that phase was easy cause losing something you love can never be easy. The loss may not be of a person or thing; it can also be of a feeling but it’s going to be hard.
Time might stop you from crying about it but won’t make you forget it. The only way to overcome loss is to accept it. Until and unless you accept it, it’s forever going to be like a scar.
And then there will be a time when these losses will provide you with the best experiences which will only inspire and make you stronger by each passing day.
Thank you
