LOVE : A PARADOX

Love is among the most innate, yet most widely misunderstood realities. 

According to Sadhguru, ” Love is an unconditional sweetness of emotion. Love is not what you do, it is what you become. It is a longing to include someone as a part of yourself.”

There are many micro paradoxes about them. 

One of them being love is reciprocal.  ‘I’ll love you if you love me.’ Is this love? Love, nowadays has become like a transaction, give and take business. But that’s not how it works. Love is unilateral. Love is a choice to radiate from within. It’s not just a mutual benefit scheme. You can’t force someone to love you and if you do, then that’s not love, that is your ego-centric selfishness .

Another paradox is about soulmates. No one is going to be perfect for you and I think we need to stop raising everyone on the belief that someone out there is ‘made for you’. No one is made for you, besides yourself; people only belong to themselves. If two people want to make it genuinely work with each other, it’s about trust, understanding, compassion, integrity, efforts, understanding, hardwork and choice. 

Love is not all about rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes, it brings along pain, deep wonderful pain that tears down everything within you. The kind that that comes with a war between your brain and heart. The kind where nothing makes you happier and nothing makes you sadder, passionate, overwhelming, intense, daring and when it comes crashing down, so do you. But  you still have the courage to go on, keep on loving, harder. Maybe that’s how love is. Chaotic and Consuming. Sometimes, it’s a tug of war; you wonder how things would have been easy if you would have just friends with them but the moment you see them and spend time with them, all those thoughts and doubts just vanish into thin air. You realize that it’s all worth it.

“I have found that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”  – Mother Teresa

Another most common misconception is about how people think relationships mean getting butterflies forever, heart beating faster around your partner and always cuddling. Relationships aren’t always a fairytales, they are not always fireworks and sparks; maybe in the beginning but not always. Instead, everything calms down, you feel tranquil and secure with them. When you cuddle with them, you feel your heart beat peacefully and the sound of their breathing carries you towards comfort. Love isn’t a fire in your soul, but a one in your heart, keeping you warm and comfortable. It doesn’t feel like a roller coaster anymore, it feels like home. An absolute serendipity.

People say when you are in love, nothing else in the world matters; but I don’t think so. I believe that when you love someone, every little thing in the world matters a bit more. Your beloved one becomes like your favorite song. Sometimes you want the whole world to listen you so that they can very well know the greatest creation but then sometimes you just want to hide them from anyone and everyone because they you can’t bear to lose them. It seems cheesy, I know.

It is true that you don’t love people only on the condition that they do what you want. Love means ‘they do what they want to’ and you still love them. But there are times when some negative trait of your partner is harming him/her as well as your relationship. You explain it to them but they say that’s just the way I am, Why do you want to change me! Isn’t this a paradoxical situation? No, it is not about changing them but their toxic habits. When you love someone, you let them do whatever makes them happy but you also support and guide them towards the right direction. The attitude of “that’s just how I am, take it or leave it” is a sign of immaturity. As an adult it’s our responsibility to figure out which of our traits are negatively impacting us as well as our loved ones, and to eventually learn how to fix them. Now, you can’t force your partner or loved one for this, but if the person truly loves you, he/she will be willing to understand the significance of change, you just need to aid them.

There must a time in everyone’s life when he/she must have thought about running away from their parents, although that’s just a phase but then again we all wish our parent’s to have world’s every happiness and comfort. There’s almost nothing we wouldn’t do to see ecstasy and contentment in their eyes. Then the love/hate relationships we have with our siblings, I am sure we all can relate to it. It’s like however much you both fight and trouble each other but the moment someone else torments or bothers one, the other sibling goes in full warrior and protective mode. That is what love is. Love is nirvana you feel when keeping your head in your mother’s lap; Love is security and gratification that washes over you when your father pats your head. Love is your grandparents giving you life lessons while telling stories and love is the pride and emotions you get when watching your sibling grow and evolve. Love is a toddler wrapping her fingers around your thumb and love is a kid’s care and affection for you. Love is writing your loved one’s name on a fogged glass and smiling like crazy.

According to me, love is rather a decision, a choice. So, love and happiness are choices that we get to make in each and every moment. They are not just fleeting emotions, rather a state of mind. So, why not be loving and happy from within that radiates out. And why be in love affairs with only people, why not with life itself?

The paradox of love is that it is supremely free yet attaches us with bondages stronger than death. It cannot be bought or sold, there is nothing it cannot face; love is life’s greatest blessing.

Do tell us in the comments’ section, what does love mean to you?   What are the other love paradoxes that you are aware of!!