20 ways to kill anger

Article by : Payal Hora

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, anger is defined as “a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism.” Rings a bell? Yes ,it does!

Almost all of us,have experienced being angry at one or the other point in our lives, because we are only humans. Certain situations,certain people, certain things act as a trigger to our anger,and we react harshly to it. But all of us will unanimously agree to it that getting angry or feeling angered doesn’t make us feel good or its not a good emotional state to be in. But how do we deal with it? Getting angry is as easy as breathing,isn’t it? So how do we avoid reacting harshly even if we have lost control of our temperament?

So here are the 20 ways, following which you can control and put off your anger:

1.Be angry!

The first step in killing anger is by letting yourself be angry! You don’t need to bottle up your anger or hide it or pretend to not be angry,it will only worsen the case. You are in all your rights to be angry and express it.

2.Acknowledge your anger.

You need to understand and acknowledge that you are angry,but every situation does not require you to react! When you’ll calm down you’ll realise that it would have been better if you wouldn’t have had given in your emotions and reacted. So sot with your anger and don’t let it overpower you.

3.Anger is both a mental and physical state of discomfort

Feeling angry is not just a mental state but also has physical indicators. You must have seen in anger people clench their teeth,tighten their grip , some might even feel the heat in their chest. So all you need to do is recognize these indicators and try to breathe deeply and drink water to calm yourself down.

4.Work on your mental peace

Our peace is our lookout and only we can bring it back . So while you are having that angry inner talk with yourself filled with rage and bitterness,only you can bring yourself to a state of calmness. So talk yourself into better things that will erase your anger and make you happy.

5.You are not a nemesis of your anger:

You need not seek punishment or inflict pain on yourself or others for being angry. You’re just looking to pull yourself out of that fire of anger by addressing the situation.

6.Take notice of your mood

You need to recall how were you feeling the whole time before you lost control over your temper.  Were you already annoyed or frustrated? Did you come across a bad news that ruined your mood? Then this situation which stimulated your anger was just a trigger to something that was already building up in your heart.

7.Is it really something that should be bothered about?

Ask yourself this question! You should try to understand that why is this certain situation bothering you so much? Is it really the same thing that you are making out of this situation or you might be over analysing the situation? For example, your friend didn’t reply to your text on time,so you presume that they are ignoring you,but in reality they might be busy. So you need to understand that is the situation actually the way you perceive it.

8.Reflect back on your past reactions

It is possible that you are angry with someone or something they have done because you yourself have done the same thing in the past and do not like that behaviour of yours. Therefore you need to look back if the thing that is angering you,is it a part of you that you dislike and you might find your anger rooted over there.

9.Write about it.

Take it from me in writing that writing your feelings down on a paper helps! If you write down how you feel ,you will not only feel emotionally light but also it will help you to understand that from where does your anger stem from and dou you feel any other emotion ad well apart from being angry,like frustration or insecurity.

10.Write a letter or text message or note:

When you have finally understood what angers you and if it’s because of a certain person ,then you should draft a letter or text to him/her stating that what they did angered you. Now if you send this across this text or letter or burn it after writing is upto you,but either ways you’ll feel  better.

11.Talk to yourself!

Now that you have identified the role of the other person in the situation,it’s time to identify your own play in the situation that ruined your peace. So you should now have a verbal interaction with yourself about the messy situation and understand your trigger points.

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12.Address ,but don’t assume.

While you are talking with a person because of whom you feel angry,then your language should be of addressing the situation with an open mind and assuming that the other person did it deliberately. Say that whatever the other person did hurted you rather than saying they did it intentionally to disrespect you.

13.Don’t unload your anger.

Learn addressing the situation in hand first,and not take it as a chance to dump all your past grievances on the other person. You need to take one step at a time. So first the current situation needs to be resolved and then eventually you can talk about the past situations that hurted you.

14.Keep an open mind.

You need to have an open mind when trying to pacify yourself and the situation. Keep your mind open to the other person’s perspective and why they did what they did.

15.The solution is more important.

You aim shouldn’t be to prove the other person wrong and yourself right or prove that they wrong you always. Your motive should be to resolve the situation and what future steps you might take to avoid such situations.

16.What do you value?

There are certain traits that you value in a person which you realised when dealing with this situation. So understand those traits and focus on the good things about that person.

17.Learn it,own it, act on it!

Such situations bring a certain sense of realisation , about what you need,or how the relationships you have serve you. If it doesn’t serve you well and rather treads on your inner peace then you don’t need it and it’s better to let it go.

18.Clear communication is the key!

Stating your emotions clearly and “listening” to the other person’s view points ,is an essential to clear communication. This should be made into a good practice,so that in future when such situation arises,you are in a better state to communicate and not just be angry.

19.How can you improve?

When you think of this situation,what do you think about your reaction? Do you react quickly or get triggered easily? So now you have learned to bring breather periods between your anger and not be accusatory but inclusive.

20.Future actionable steps

Throughout this process you have understood your role and your impulses. So now going ahead,you can use that newly gained self awareness to pacify the situation peacefully rather than blazing with fire.

And lastly learn to forgive! Anger and grudges never did good to anyone,so learn to let it go as much as you can!