Hello everyone, 

I am Manasi. I have completed Masters in Clinical Psychology. Journey till here wasn't easy at all, but it was all worth it. I love psychology, I am happy with what I am doing and thats all matters. 

    My life has never been easy since I was born. The hardships that I faced made me turn inwards and it matured me early. My mom married my father but my grandfather did not approve it since my father was of a different caste. So my grandfather left the family and went far away. He also wanted a son and all he had were 3 daughters so he did not pay attention to their education either and tortured them mentally. My mom was frustrated and she wanted to escape, so she married my father who was an alcoholic. My grandma learned only till 7th std. And because of all the mental torture and quarrels at home my mom failed at 12th std and her younger sisters failed in 10th std. Later one of them pursued distance education and another one completed HSC. But when my grandfather left, my aunts were still in school. My grand mother started doing house chore jobs and my aunts started working too even at such an young age. My mother being 12th fail couldn't find good jobs but she kept working here and there. In addition to that my alcoholic father started abusing them and me too after I was born. After some time my grandfather came back but me and my mom were not allowed in their house so whenever we visited my aunts and grandma we sat on the stairs outside the house. Later one night my mom ran away from my father's house with me (I was 4) because my father tried to kill us. We went to our relatives home and lived for a month. Later we shifted to a rented single room. After a while my grandfather gave us permission to live with him. I was very happy to live in a secure environment with my grandmother and aunts because my mom used to beat me a lot but my aunts and grandmother's saved me here. My mom also used me as a guinea pig to take out all her frustration. It was hard for me to face all this! My grandfather didn't interact with us much. A couple of times my father tried to kidnap me. And a few months later we got news that he committed suicide. I was told he died from alcohol abuse. I found that out just a couple of years back.

Then when I was 8 I found dance. I loved dance because I could forget all my worries when I danced. After a few years my grandmother died of an heart attack right in front of my eyes. My grandfather hated her so much that he laughed when she died. It was shocking for all of us. Then my aunts were sent out of town for some training in aviation. My mom used to be out all day and I was left with my grandfather who hated me. I wasn't even allowed to watch TV. He would grab the remote out of my hands. I wasn't allowed to laugh. I was being tortured. He would wake me up from sleep and for water bottle that was kept right beside him. My confidence was super low since childhood and I was an easy target to bullies. As I grew up I suffered in peer groups. That doesn't mean I did not have any good friends though. I had a best friend since 1st std.

My aunts personality changed after my grandmother's death. They were not the same like before. One of them stopped talking to my mom for no reason. Since my mom wasn't really a loving mom my only place for happiness were my aunts, so change in their behavior was hard for me to swallow. And yes since I was always late to morning school I was thrown into afternoon school by my teachers. I was cut off from my 7 year old friends. In the afternoon school someone did spread a false rumor about me and I kept getting bullied as well as boycotted! I requested to get transferred back to morning school but my mom said she can't wake up early to make tiffin for me! I continued being bullied till 10th std. Because of my low confidence I was bullied by neighborhood kids as well! It was really hard! And in 10th std my so called best friend called me a beggar because my mom kept asking her family for financial help. And meanwhile my elder aunt who was living in hostel attempted suicide! My grandfather didn't care much. But after my both aunts returned the elder one started slapping me for small things. My mom would be out working whole day. Whenever injustice happened with me and I tried to voice it out, my grandfather would say, 'Jis thaali mai khana ussi thali ko chhed karna '. My youngest aunt would just watch. My grandfather joined her in torturing me so they both used to team up and used to make me cry. I was heartbroken because she was someone whom I considered very loving since childhood. In the neighborhood I had a soul brother who could hear everything happening at my home. When I came out crying he would console me saying that one day will be yours. Soon my elder aunt got married and trust me I was really happy. After she got married my grandfather told me and my mom to leave his house. Because my youngest aunt did not want to live with him alone she came with us. Since then we are living quite happily. My elder aunt has got divorced and will probably live with us! And because of lockdown we have got financially dependent on my grandfather once again! But I will keep fighting because that's all I know. I have got immune to hardships. Even in all this situation I won various prizes at school. I won National level scholarship for dance. I was honored by my school and given opportunity to light up diyas at inauguration event. I was also nominated for student of the year. In college as well I won various prizes and with hard work made it till masters. Because I have been through an emotional rollercoaster I can empathize with people easily. Psychology is my passion because it explains inhumane human behavior and makes it humane. So you can understand people who have done wrong to you and makes it easier for you to forgive. It helps in understanding yourself. It helps in making you stronger. It helps to accept yourself just the way you are. 

If you want to pursue Psychology, go for it but just keep in mind that making career in psychology is not as easy as Google tells you, at least not in India. If you are an aspiring psychologist, I wish you all the best for your journey. May all your dreams come true!! Be strong! Love yourself! Fighting!