Are we chasing the right kind of happiness?

In a recent survey done by the UN, it was found that India ranks 144th on the World Happiness Index out of 156 countries, which to be very honest, left me surprised. In a country where yoga is so encouraged and where there is a laughter club in every neighbourhood, why are we so unhappy?

Do we really know what happiness means? Or are we busy chasing the wrong kind of happiness? There’s no concrete answer to this, but one thing is for sure, change needs to occur. Our country is one of the youngest country in the world, with majority of our population being under 25. And when I say today’s youth is more vulnerable to mental disorders such as depression and anxiety, I know for sure that many people in the mental health field will agree. So, doesn’t it become important to know how to chase the right kind of happiness? We’re continuously chasing goals thinking that it will bring us happiness, but the survey clearly shows that it’s not the type of happiness that we’re looking for.

‘Ooh she went to Bali! That’s amazing! she looks so happy in these pictures, I wish I was doing something great too man, life sucks.’ Sounds familiar? I’m sure many of us have fallen prey to FOMO (fear of missing out) at least once in our life. In this social and virtual world, we all try our best to show that we’re happy, it’s become this unofficial competition – who looks more happy? The ting of the notification bell that shows if someone liked or commented on your photo sure does bring us joy, but how long does that last? Is that really the happiness we’re seeking?

Then what can we do to change this? What can we do to become of the happiest country in the World? What can we do to save our youth? How do we stop this vicious cycle? How do we ensure that we don’t become lifeless robots chasing inconsequential happiness? First of all, we need to differentiate between the kind of happiness that we’re chasing and think about what really makes us happy, easier said than done right? How do we know what type of happiness should we seek? Let’s see –

When someone comes to you, and tells you that they’re happy, what’s the first thought in your head? If you’re like me and most of the human population, I bet the most common thought that pops up is “that’s great! What happened?” Or “ooh nice! Why?” or something along the lines… I had to find out if this is was as common as I thought, so I turned to experimental psychology. I messaged 12 of my friends and told them that I was “very very happy”, and guess what? 8 out of 12 wanted to know the reason why, which I don’t really blame them for as conditional happiness is something we’ve been exposed to since we were little kids. Even today sometimes if I’m really happy, I ask myself the why question. The thought that if you’re happy, there must be a reason behind it is very common, and to me that’s conditional happiness. Let’s take a closer look –

Conditional happiness as the word suggests is when we apply conditions to our happiness, when a goal has to be achieved or a condition has to be fulfilled for us to be happy. Thoughts like “I can be happy if earn well”, “I’ll be happy when I get promoted”, “I am happy because I won the prize” define conditional happiness. Unconditional happiness on the other hand means when we don’t really need a reason to be happy, we just are. There are no conditions to be fulfilled, it is the happiness that comes from within, the happiness we don’t question ourselves about. In short, it’s that feeling that comes when we feel a cold breeze on a hot summer day or hold the hand of someone we love.

We’ve been conditioned to look for reasons to be happy since our childhood- score good marks in school to be happy, get in a good college to be happy, get a good job to be happy, get married to a good spouse to be happy, etc. We’ve turned happiness into our motivation, all our lives we keep trying to achieve things or do things to make ourselves happy, that makes me wonder – how do we become unconditionally happy?

After some reading, I found out – to be unconditionally happy, we must learn to live in the “here and now”. Worrying about the future and holding onto some things from the past is inevitable, but baby steps towards focusing on the present can always help, at the least we can start with being present in the moment, it’s our life and we deserve to live it fully. We can learn to be self aware of the conditions we put on our happiness, instead of questioning why am I happy, we need to start questioning if we really need reasons to be happy.

Practicing daily gratitude and mindfulness also helps in finding unconditional happiness – let’s do one thing, close your eyes after you read this article and randomly name three things or people or moments you’re grateful for, see how that makes you feel. Try this whenever you want to, along with some activities to practice mindfulness, such as mindful eating – the next time you have a meal try to eat it and feel and acknowledge every bite of your food, try to think of the ingredients, the texture, try to bar any other thoughts from entering your mind, see if it feels any different than how you eat your meal normally.

Happiness is a feeling that comes from within and all we can do is to try to accept it as it is to be unconditionally happy. So, the next time someone tells you they’re happy or asks you why are you happy, what will you say? Let us know in the comments!