Simone Morarka
Depression is not an easy journey; it is tough and arduous and thus having the right support system is all the more appreciated. When someone you care about is depressed, you want to provide advice and support with only good intentions in mind. However, the words you say might not convey the message you hope to send across- especially if you not understand the intricacies of depression and mental illness. When you express your feelings, what you say may feel right and clear from your perspective, but the person on the receiving end, who has depression, may feel misunderstood, attacked and deeply. That is not say that you do not care for the person, and it is true that understanding other people is tough.
Which is why, to aid better communication between you and a loved one with depression, below is a curated list of few things to avoid saying to a person with depression:
- “Remain positive!”
This is one of the least helpful things to say because- well, they know. But how to think positive is the question for them. For many with depression, they live daily with the feeling that their world has already caved in. They experience a myriad of negative emotions with a great intensity, thus you stating something about thinking positive could make the person feel like you are dismissive of the fact that they have a psychological disorder, and are blaming them for struggling with the way they feel. If anything, asking them to remain positive could just push them back into their shell and avoid meaningless advice.
- “I know how you feel”
You don’t. You may say this as a way to show empathy and to help the person feel understood, but you really do not. Which is why understanding the specificities about depression is important; there is a major significant difference between sadness and clinical depression. You may be genuine with your concerns, but by saying this you just come off as minimising the other person’s pain.
- “Be grateful for what you have”
They are grateful for what they have. But that has nothing to do with them having depression. What most people fail to realize is that depression is an illness, albeit it may not be visible like with physical illnesses. It similar to telling people to not have a fever or a cold because ought to be thankful for what they have. By saying this, a person with depression may feel like a spoilt child, when they are not. They may shut you in and retreat to their hiding space again- out of frustration at being misunderstood, and guilt and shame for not being better.
- “Snap out of it”/ “Try harder”
They really are giving it their all. So, asking them to snap out of it or to try harder when they already are can be highly demoralizing- even for someone without depression- and make them feel even more hopeless. It’s not like they want to be like this, or feel like that all the time. Once again, depression is not like being in a low mood once in a while; with depression you cannot ‘talk yourself out of it’ and be okay. Asking people with depression to pull themselves together could just make them feel even more helpless because of now being hit with this sense of being incompetent.
- “Just don’t think about it at all”
Easier said than done. That is mainly because most people with depression also face rumination. Rumination refers to negative thought processes which involves a person with depression constantly going over a problem or thought, especially those with negative content. Rumination as a cognitive symptom of depression highly hinders the individual’s ability to effectively engage in problem-solving and adaptive behaviours. Thus, it’s not like they want to think about, but they just can’t help to think they way they do. They feel even more worthless if their support system themselves tell them to stop thinking, causing the person to ruminate even more.
Ever heard the saying- silence is golden. In other words, less said the better. You need not say something you don’t mean; don’t say anything if you don’t know what to say. Just sitting with the person helps; be with them and give them a shoulder to cry. You can leave the saying of the right things to a clinical professional, who has the right skillset.
References
Hurley, K. (2020). 6 things to never say to a person with depression. Psycom. Retrieved from: https://www.psycom.net/depression.central.6.things.never.say.html
That is an amazing and descriptive text on how to deal with people suffering from depression, I would highly recommend reading this!
Thank you so much Rizul! So glad you liked it :))
This is so true and accurate. Keep writing.
Thank you, Diksha! :))
I liked ur article
Yes ,best part of our life is happiness
When we depressed ..we don’t know how to do anything?
We get low energy to do anything
The depressed mostly they get negative vibes …so be positive
Hey Shamila! Really appreciate your comment. Although ‘be positive’ is something easier said than done for someone with depression. It’s is not like that they ‘want to’ feel low and have a negative outlook, it’s is just how the disorder is. I truly appreciate your comment, but just wanted to point that out. Glad you liked the article!
A really well put together article! Alternately, like you mentioned, letting the other person know you are there for them in itself could go a long way. Reassuring them by saying that ‘I am here for you if you need me’ or saying that ‘I might not be able to understand what you’re going through, but I will stay by your side through it all’ can make them feel less lonely.
On the other hand, it is also important to not force someone with depression to tell you why they are feeling a certain way, patience is the way to go. If a friend doesn’t feel comfortable in sharing it with you, just making sure that they are getting the required mental support, preferably from a counsellor or psychotherapist is also a good way to take.
Hey Janhavi! Totally agree with you! Especially with depression being a rather serious mental illness, its best to seek help from someone with the accurate skill set to help you get better. Gald you liked the article!
Woah well written
Thank you so much, Gurleen!
Well written
Thank you!!
Quite insightful and helpful article..
Keep up the good work..
Thank you, Radhika! :))
It is a great article. Everyone should be aware of such basic information on how to not approach a person with depression. Depression really distorts the thinking process of a person and if we say such things it will only aggravate the situation.
Very insightful and informative! People doesn’t know the difference between sadness and depression. I hope this helps!
I hope so too! Thank you, Sani!!
Exactly, Simran! Feels really good to know that i managed to get my points across. Thank you so much!
Quite insightful and helpful article..
Keep up the good work
Thank you!!!
Wow! Its really informative! Nice! Thank you! Its really useful as I want more knowledge on this topic! Thanks again!
So happy you found the article informative! Thank you, Yamini! :))
Great article.
Thank you, Iarisa!!
This is absolutely true! There are times when what you say might do more harm than good. Sometimes you just need to listen and be with them to make them feel they are not alone.
Thank you, Navleen!!
This is the exact information people need who see their loved ones struggling with depression. i feel treating depressed person is important but there should be few interventions for their family members ,colleagues as well so that they can get more in depth knowledge about depression.
YOUR article is amzing and well written..
Hey Shreya, i totally agree with you! Most family members and friends (even though have the best intentions) may accidentally say something that ought to be NOT said to someone with depresion. Defintiely agree that separate interventions for family members can be really helpful. So glad you liked the article!!!
This is absolutely true! At times this might do more harm than good. Sometimes we should just listen and be there with them to make them feel they are not alone.
Hey Navleen, you are absolutely right! Good to know that the points i wanted to make got across!
That was a very informative and good reading, I also suggest you to elaborate on ‘caring for someone with depression’ like encouraging treatment, listening, assisting help, and things which also will be a great help for us to read.
Hey Nishita! Thank you so much for the comment. Will definitely write on ‘how to care for a person with depression’ in the near future. Thanks for the suggestion!
Great article! “I know how you feel” can be one of the most frustrating statements to have to hear from people no matter how good their intentions might me. “Silence is golden” is a phrase that is going to stay with me for a long time.
Hey Tanisha! So glad you liked the article! Absolutely agree with you.
Thank you Simone! This article helpedme alot. I got know so many things. Very nicely written in simple words
We all need to be sensitive towards people facing depression. It is important for all of us to be aware of how to do our bare minimum to be there for anyone who is suffering. Great article.
Hey Vanshika! Thank you so much :)) Agree with what you said. Even saying nothing but being there for a person with depression, it can be of a great help.
can be of a great help**
This is very informative and as a person who has been suffering depression for a long time now I can totally relate to this.
Thank you so much, Aanandi! Im so happy that the article resonated with you 🙂 More power to you !!
That is an amazing and descriptive text on how to deal with people suffering from depression, All the best.
Thank you so much :))
i absolutely whole heartedly agree!!! telling a person with depression the above phrases makes that person highly narcissistic and ignorant. it does not help at all. in fact, it does the exact opposite. instead of helping the person out, he/she rather drifts into a state of guilt. we have to be more mindful about what we say and to who we say and the impact that it creates.
Totally agree, Vrinda! Feels good to know that i managed to get my points across :))
I personally agree with everything in this article. You’ve put together everything in a very comprehensible format for those who really need to read it.
Thank you so much, Srushti :))
Wow!!! It was amazing from the starting to the end it kept the reader involved and the interest was kept till the end. You can add images and bit work on font and style, rest it was amazing. Well done !!!
So happy you liked the article, Ayeman! Will definitely take your feedback into account. Thanks :))
This is the most needed article by everyone..Worth reading. Amazed by the content.
Thank you so much, Harshini!!
That’s so true. Often we commit mistakes in moments like these. We think words like these would help an individual come out of the nasty mood all of a sudden! Sometimes people only need your presence. It’s better to stay silent rather than doubling the chaos in someone’s mind.
Efforts appreciated mate!
Thank you so much, Fathima!!
It’s a really well written article on a topic that needed to be addressed! Great job!
Thank you so much, Diya!!
lovely this Work should be reach out to every person ,needed the most nowdays..
Keep growing.
Thank you so much, Yuvanue! Much appreciated :))
Quite insightful. Keep up the good work! Captivating article.
Glad you liked it! Thank you so much, Vanshika!!
This is sooo true! Its worth reading and thank you @Simone Morarka for sharing this. It must reach to each and everyone out there.
So happy you liked the article, Rithika! Much appreciated :))
Thank you so much .. well I can relate ❤️
I am glad that you found the article to be relatable! Thank you so much, Shramana :))
Hey Simon it was a much needed article and I really found it informative and easy to read and understand. Words even if seen as something simple can have a really huge impact on a person especially if a person is suffering from depression because we never know how they are being interpreted by the person so it’s great that you highlighted something’s which shouldn’t be said to people suffering from depression.
Absolutely agree, Jhanvi! So happy you liked the article :))
Hey, this is a very brief and to the point article and that is also the beauty of it. Depression is such a vast subject and to concise that into an article really shows how much you must have researched for it. I feel today’s generation does not understand the true meaning of what depression is and they just seem to use it out of fashion rather than out of concern. And this is something that needs to be changed and it can only be changed when people in the society change their outlook towards it.
Hey, Aparna! Felt really nice reading this comment. I totally agree! Many people these days tend to throw the word ‘depression’ around as a way of sounding ‘cool,’ which is honestly so disappointing. But the spreading awareness about mental health makes me feel optimistic that people will start taking mental disorders more seriously.
So happy you liked the article!
THISS!!
thank you for writing this article.
A very informative piece.
People need to understand that depression is a disorder and people do not fake it!
amazing! try using pictures in your next article.
🙂
Hey, Disha! Thank you so much for the feedback. Will definitely try to use images in my coming articles :))
I personally feel that this article is the best consider to the other that i came across it has its unique way and it personally helped me alot. Thank you for such an article do more like this and you made ur mark on those side headings it makes us interesting seeing it.
Thank you so much!! It really feels good to know that the article was informative and helped you :))
So glad you liked it!!
Such a helpful article! It was so informative, engaging and the style of writing is so beautiful.
This is so sweet! Thank you so much, Gauri!
it was really informative article as you have talked about what NOT to say in depression and i totally agree with you as i had been into depression n those words literally makes me feel worse thank you for writing on it.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Elon! Happy to see that the article resonated with you :)) So much more power to you!!
So first things first, thanking you for putting it out to everyone is important and courageous, in a way. Most people find the “advice giving” thing quite the best thing to help “cure” any one suffering through a psychological disorder. They think as if them saying things to depression patients, depression will “go away”. They say things in a manner it mostly triggers people and makes room for feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and lower self esteem. I know I’m missing on most of it right now. But thankyou so so much. I believe people accept and acknowledge these. 🙂
Hey, Anshika! I cant express how happy I am that the article resonated with you. Thank you so much for your kind words! More power to you :))
Hi,
Well yes from all words not to say to a person in depression I found – snap out of it & don’t think about it, the worst words to use to any person. One cannot just snap out or stay emotionless about situation. It is very important to feel & then you can maybe redirect those negative emotions to a good thought.
Absolutely agree, Jigyasa! Thank you for your comment :))
Great article! It really is insightful. 🙂 Keep writing 🙂
Thank you so much, Soumya! Glad you liked it :))
Being in depression is such a delicate state. A wrong message can sends the person down the spiral pushing them in deeper state of depression. So, grateful to you for writing this article and spreading awareness as a lot of people do make this mistakes.
Thank you so much, Janvhi! So happy that you liked the article :))
Very well written
Thank you, Aanchal ;))
Thank you very much for this information. I really liked your profile quote ” life is tough,but so are you” it is very empowering. It also reflects about you. This blog was very informative and useful as this people really need to understand the boundaries while talking to a person with depression.
So happy you found the article to be informative! Thank you so much for your kind words, Omkar :))
This article is so accurate and I congratulate you! This is such an important topic and people need to be made more aware about this. Please do continue to write such amazing articles.
This is so sweet. Thank you so much, Elysia!!
Good work. Very accurate and its really important to keep all these things in mind. It was so informative, engaging and the style of writing is so beautiful. Easy to read and understand.
Great article Simone. 😀
Thank you so much, Prachi!!
Hey there Simone, thank you for covering this topic. People often use sentences like these, hoping for magical healing. But that’s the thing, people with depression know they should be positive, they KNOW and in fact sentences like these make them feel like a burden. That’s why this article is really helpful for all those trying to help anyone around them. Thank you once again!
Hey, Sabira! Glad you liked the article :))
A crisp, informative and well-written article, that is easy to understand and helpful in the efforts to connect with a person suffering from depression. Thank you for shedding light on this topic. Some other things not to say could be: “it’s just a phase”, “try to divert your mind and control your thoughts”, “it’s a disorder for people who are too emotional”. Depression is neither a choice nor a phase, nor does it have anything to do with mental strength; and people need to understand this.
A section on the kind of things to say to a person suffering with depression would add to the value of this article.
Thank you so much for the feedback, Kriti! I abolutely agree with the point made :))
Would love to read more of your articles! 🙂
Hi there! Really loved how you elaborated on each phrase so well throughout! I usually come across articles that merely state the phrases without any viable explanation as to what they do to the receiver! Thanks a lot for taking the time to write this! Cheers!
This is so sweet, Hrushitaa! Thank you so so much for the comment :)) Glad you liked the article!!
This is a perfect topic for current situation of pandemic period, every single person is going through a lot and there has been a hype in the degradation od mental health of the mass altogether. During such time there are many cases of depression and as for lack of knowledge people say all unnecessary things that they shouldn’t, this article is very useful. Keep it up.
Agreed, Harshita! And exactly, given the current pandemic situation, while mental health may be deteriorating overall, there has been a rise in awareness about mental disorders, which leaves me feeling optimistic about more people coming to take disorders like depression more seriously.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
As someone who has suffered from depression and still is dealing with it, this is very informative and clearly written. thank you for writing this. I hope people can educate themselves on this topic and realise that not everyone is no the same and some situations require different measures. especially people with mental disorders, they require patience and support more than anything.
Hey Riya! Am happy to learn that the article resonated with you! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here! Absolutely agree with the point made.
More power to you :))
Thank you !! It feel so nice to read such amazing articles . I just want to say that depression is normal , life is hard but we will get through this together .
Thank you so much, Aananya! Wholeheartedly agree with you. As my bio says- life is tough but so are you. While easier said than done, nothing can refute the fact that you ARE stronger than your problems :))
this article is educated me .its amazingly written. loved the way written .keep up the good work
Thank you so so much, Yashaswini!!
This article has clearly given out the things that we musn’t do to the person with the depression. As this article says “Silence is Golden” I accept the fact given. Because of a small mistakr create by us the person with depession might end up with the ddifferent results that might be beyound our expectations also it makes it hard for the psychologist or the psychiatrist treating the person to a difficult position.
To the most instead of giving our own thoughts to them we can ask the person those who are depressed to regularly check with the experts in this field.
Hey, Sakthiswaari! Totally agree with the point made :)) With depression being a really serious mental illness, its best to leave the treatment to the experts in the area- like we do for physical ailments.
Thank you so much for sharing your views here!
Depression is a really serious problem large number of people deal with it and some live with it silently. Sometimes when we confront people dealing with depression and say things that maybe inappropriate and knowingly or unknowingly hurt them even more. This article created awareness of what to say and what not to say.
Thank you so much, Fiona!